Gentle Acres
by Unit7
Summary: As Joan struggles to become 'normal' at Gentle Acres, she meets a troubled girl named Judith. This is how Joan and Judith survive Gentle Acres, aka Crazy Camp. JoanxAdam. Rating may change. Adult Themes.
1. 1: Welcome to Gentle Acres

Authors Note: So while thinking over my story titled We Were Lovers, I wondered how Joan and Judith first met. In We Were Lovers, I proposed the idea that Judith and Joan were meant to befriend one another. So perhaps you will catch the too obvious hints of this. So this story will follow her experience at Gentle Acres. Oh and if you are curious, the canon pairings are in the story. Anyways I hope you enjoy.

Gentle Acres

Chapter 1: Welcome to Gentle Acres.

Gentle Acres was situated 50 miles south of the city of Arcadia. While there, one could enjoy a variety of different stress free activities ranging from crafts, to horseback riding, and even swimming in the near by lake. If the brochure had not explicitly said it was for Troubled Teens, one might mistake it for a summer camp children might go to. But it wasn't summer camp nor was it really for Troubled Teens. It was Crazy Camp. A place they sent mentally disturbed teens for a summer long therapy session.

Why couldn't they understand? She was better and no longer had Lyme Disease. She no longer saw... him. So as her mother drove down the barren dirt road, she wished God were real, so that she could properly curse him.

"It's only one summer Joan," Helen Girardi said, her dark brown hair blowing softly. Joan simply gave a groan in protest. "There will be more, I promise." She said, reaching out to place her hand on her daughters shoulder. Joan shrugged it off immediately.

"Look, I'm not sick. The only reason I saw G..." Joan paused and scrunched up her face for a moment. "I'm not sick, I know whats real and whats not." She shot her mother a glance daring her to question her. Helen frowned, and returned her attention to the road ahead.

They arrived at Gentle Acres moments later. The place felt surreal, and she was reminded of images of small children going to their first summer camp. But the reality was different. The hanging overhead sign reading Gentle Acres in thick green letters, the small cabins with the perfect view of the lake, drastically contrasted with the dozens of teenagers milling about. They either looked like criminals or had the appearance of a person who belonged in an insane asylum.

"Perhaps thats what it is," Joan said, unaware that she spoke at all. Her mother shot her a concerned look.

"Did you say something?" Helen asked. Joan, who had been leaning her head against the window, looked at her dumbfounded.

"No I didn't" She said, but had she?

"Must have been the radio," She offered, but they both knew it was a weak explanation because the radio had been turned off 20 miles ago. Her mother's taste in music was, to put it bluntly, terrible. They couldn't decide which station to listen to, or what CD to play. Feeling guilty of arguing with her sick daughter, Helen simply turned it off.

As Helen turned into the parking lot, Joan caught a glimpse of someone familiar. He had pale skin, with thick black eye shadow, similarly he wore black lipstick. His hair, also black, had been gelled into spikes. Something about him rekindled something within her, yet she couldn't place it. Or perhaps she simply chose to ignore it.

"Honey, are you going to get your stuff or?" Helen asked. Joan came out of though with a start, giving a small squeak. "Joan are you alright?" Joan looked around dumbly, it took her a moment to process that her mother had parked, and started unpacking her stuff. Joan gave a small groan in protest and slipped out of the car.

As she unpacked her attention came back to the Goth Kid, who returned the attention just as fiercely.

_Great, only been here a few minutes and I am already attracting a the creeps._ Joan thought annoyed.

The two Girardi women said their goodbyes, exchanged their affections and Joan was left standing alone in the parking lot. She felt out of place and felt vulnerable. The Goth Kid had left, perhaps to gawk at some other girl. Gooseflesh crept through her as she considered spending the summer with a person like him.

Joan turned her back on the road and her only escape. Now she faced Crazy Camp

fifteen minutes later a guidance counselor wearing a pale yellow shirt, the camp's logo on the breast pocket, and a pair of white shorts. He blew on a red whistle sending a screeching sound across Gentle Acres. Joan, sitting on some cabins steps alone, could hear a few of the kids curse.

"Hello everyone, my name is Tom," Tom said with a sickeningly to cheerful voice, "Now I know some of you would rather not be here, however if you would please cooperate, things will go much smoother." Again with that voice, Joan groaned. Then she smiled at what Grace my think of these counselors. "Now if you please come with me to the mess hall. We will get you situated." At first the group seemed determined to stay there, but slowly as the realization that this was happening, slowly gathered around Tom.

Tom led them through the camp until they reached the large building with the sign that read Gentle Acres Mess Hall. Over the door. The doors were wide open, and the group was slowly marshaled in. Long wooden tables filled the room with a large stage at the front of the room. Standing on the stage was a bubbly blonde counselor whose hair had been pulled back into a ponytail.

"Will everyone find a place to sit?" The blond said cheerfully. Yes, Joan thought, Grace would go in full rant mode if she came here. Joan giggled at the thought, giving her a few raised eyebrows. Her cheeks went bright red, as she tried to duck low. "Hello everyone, my name is Sarah and I am here if any of you need help." She paused and Joan could have sworn she heard a cricket chirp. Sarah then went into the rules and the general set up of how things were run at Gentle Acres. "Alright, when I call your name, please come and get your cabin number and your room mates."

When it came to Joan's name, she slowly got up and walked up towards the stage where a man was handing out papers. About half way there, she tripped and slid forward some. Muttering a small curse to herself, she could hear the roar of laughter vibrate the Mess Hall. Then she could feel a shadow flow over her... and she recognized the presence. She looked up to see the Goth Kid, standing over her with his out reached hand. Something was different about him though... did he get a new nose ring? Joan asked herself. She grabbed the Goth Kid's and, with quite ease, pulled her to his feet.

"Hello Joan," He said casually. Joan's face, like a simple light that had been turned on, changed from embarrassment to pure terror. She yanked from the strange kid, and tumbled backwards and fell hard. A dozen images flashed through her head and a dozen more questions went off. The answer at the tip of her tongue.

The laughter went from a roar to a booming earthquake. She could even see some of the counselors trying to stifle a small smile. But before she turned her face towards the ground she caught a glimpse of someone. Standing only a few feet away, she saw a girl about the same age as her. Her short dark brown hair rested gently on her small shoulders. She had a certain air of control about her, something Joan would quickly learn was a guise, and she was smiling. But it was different from the counselors. Her smile tried to be comforting, saying its alright to laugh at yourself.

Slowly, Joan got to her feet, ignored the Goth Kid who was smiling as if he had achieved something, and grabbed the paper with her assigned cabin and roommate. She then quickly walked towards her spot and shielded her head with her arms. Wishing Adam was here to comfort her... and she then felt an ache within her and she let a tear slide down her flushed cheeks. Adam.

Then a name caught her attention, up until then she had been consumed with her own emotions, and she looked up.

"Montgomery, Judith," Sarah called out. The girl who had tried to comfort her, stood up and walked down towards the man. She had a certain carefree attitude that Joan longed to have, she wouldn't care if she tripped. She would probably join in with the laughter...

Her eyes caught Joan's and she mouthed, 'Welcome to Gentle Acres, I'm Judith."

Perhaps I will find a friend here afterall, Joan thought.


	2. 2: The First Night

Chapter 2: The First Night.

Joan walked through the park, unsure if she was strong enough to endure the humiliation just yet. She knew that the first few days here would be painful, but she had not for seen the chances of a huge humiliation at the very beginning. So after the welcoming meeting ended, she dashed towards her cabin and dropped off her stuff and just as quickly as she came, she had disappeared.

So now Joan was walking around the park. Gentle Acres was surrounded by a park like area with the lake at the center. The lake brought vague memories of her childhood. Before they had moved to Arcadia their had been a park with a small pond, and at the center of the pond was a small island accessible only by a stone bridge. She could remember how Kevin and Andy had been running down the bridge as she was leaning over the edge, staring into the water. As the two ran past, they had nearly knocked her over. Joan smiled as she thought back to a simpler time, when things were easy. How did it all go wrong? Joan thought ruefully.

She took a deep breath, and turned around. She couldn't live in the past, she had to face the music, or in this case the laughter. When she returned to her cabin, she saw Judith sitting on the steps. Joan hesitated for a moment, and for a fleeting second, thought of turning around.

"It's Joan right?" Judith said as she stood up. Joan simply nodded. "The names Judith." She offered a hand. Joan sheepishly shook the hand.

"what are you doing here?" Joan asked trying to sound casual.

"I guess this means we are roomies," Judith smiled, now dusting her bottom off. Her smile was warm, and inviting, and Joan couldn't help but feel relaxed.

"What are the odds of the only person who wont make fun of me being in the same Cabin?" Joan asked.

"Must be divine intervention," Judith suggested, "besides who said I wasn't going to make fun of you?" Judith suggested. Joan went rigid. "Something wrong?"

"Uh... nothing." Joan said. She smiled weakly, hoping to put a strong front.

"Alright, well lets get inside, these bloodsuckers are driving me crazy." Judith said, turning her back on Joan and walked up the steps. She paused at the door, and looked over her shoulder, "coming?"

The inside of the cabin was relatively bare. The walls were devoid of anything, no pictures, no posters, nothing. At the center of the cabin was a small couch, sitting before a fireplace. At the back of the room there was one bunk bed and a single bed. The single bed had already been made, and a light blue suitcase was placed at the center . Judith crashed on the couch letting out a exaggerated sigh. Joan joined her on the couch, feeling slightly foolish just standing at the door.

"So whose our other roommate?" Joan asked, trying to get comfortable on the couch.

"Darlene something, she made a fuss about wanting the single bed," Judith shrugged. "So what brings you to Crazy Camp?"

"Why do you care?" Joan snapped coldly.

"We are all here for something," Judith said, "personally my psychiatric parents thought it was a good idea, that and to try and control my 'rebellious' phase." she shrugged.

Joan glanced at her, "I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease that made me see things that... weren't there." Joan's voice was but a whisper. Judith's annoyance from her parents shifted to curiosity.

"What kind of things?" Judith asked. "Did you see God?" Again Joan went rigid, her mind swirled with paranoid induced questions.

"Just... people," Joan's whispered so quietly she wasn't even sure she had said anything at all. Joan shifted in her place uncomfortably, wishing she was anywhere except there.

"Oh, thats to bad," Judith smiled, "Always wanted to meet a person who thought they saw god. Could you imagine it though? I would probably freak out." Joan gave a half smile. A deep nagging feeling wondered if she was real at all..

They spent the rest of the afternoon just sitting there. As the uncomfortable silence consumed them, Joan reflected back on her life. She had never been someone special. She managed decent grades, enough to keep her parents off her back at least. Her brothers out shined her, Kevin with his athletic prowess and Luke being a super genius. Joan was in the middle, simply getting by. It wasn't until she moved to Arcadia did any of that change. Sure she began to take odd tasks from a god who wasn't there. Putting her neck out for complete strangers, making a fool of herself on a daily basis. And what for? Nothing.

Joan's reflection was disturbed as the door slammed open. A small mousy girl came through. Her thinning hair was blonde. She looked agitated and in her hands Joan could see strands of blonde hair. Joan glanced over at Judith who mouthed 'Darlene.' Joan tried to put her thoughts away and tried to arrange her face into something pleasant.

"Darlene?" Joan asked. Darlene quickly jerked her head towards Joan, and then Judith.

"What?" Her voice was small.

"My name is Joan," Joan said.

"The girl who tripped?" She said Her previous agitation dissipated and was replaced by an amused look. Joan's cheeks grew a rosy color as she turned away from Darlene. Judith shot her a cold stare at Darlene and one of sympathy towards Joan.

"Going for the bald look?" Judith asked, sounding casual. Darlene's face scrunched up in anger, and walked out the door.

"You know you will probably wake up with her hair all over you..." Joan smiled.

"Probably," Judith said laughing. They spent the rest of evening talking about everything, and when Darlene returned she quietly slithered into bed.

Around 9 pm Sarah stopped by to remind them that lights out was in thirty minutes. Then after an argument over who got which bunk, Joan was stuck with the bottom, they quietly laid in bed. But sleep did not find Joan as easily it did Judith.

She felt alone and faraway from everything. Deep within her she felt a longing for her own bed. She wanted to wrap herself in her blankets and enter a blissful slumber. She wanted Adam to hold her closely, to tell her that life will get better. She turned on her side, her back facing Darlene. Then sleep opened its arms and pulled Joan in.

She was sitting in a dark empty church. Somewhere outside she could hear a owl hooting joyfully in the cloudless night as millions of stars twinkled in the sky. Outside a warm breeze blew across the world lovingly. But inside the church Joan was freezing. She held herself tightly to try and warm herself, but she only grew colder.

"Hello Joan." A familiar voice said from behind her.

"You are not real," Her tried to shout, but it came out in a whisper.

"Your in pain," God said matter-of-factly. Joan turned around and she could see a young man in a brown corduroy jacket. His short brown hair was spiked.

"You caused this," Joan accused, tears flowing freely from her eyes.

"No Joan, I didn't" God got up and jumped the pew and sat next to Joan.

"Right, because your not real. God doesn't exist." Joan said sniffling, snot was oozing from her nostrils freely. Joan looked over, to see that God looked hurt. He turned his eyes away from Joan and looked up at the front of the chapel.

"The worst part about this," God said, his voice strained. Had she ever seen God like this? "Is that you lost yourself. This," God threw his hands up in the air and the chapel changed. The room was now lit brightly as sun beamed through the high windows. The freezing sensation was washed away by a sensation of pure warmth. The biggest change, Joan thought, was the sudden appearance of people of all ages. "Is who you really are."

"What is this?" Joan whispered as she turned her head to look at everyone.

"These are the people you have effected through our work together." God said. "These peoples lives have changed for the better, because of you." God's expression was now of pure joy and happiness.

"No..." Joan shouted. "Your not real, and this is a lie, all of it." The joyful face, fell into disarray, and then into pure sorrow. The chapel reverted back to its cold lifeless place.

"I'm sorry to hear that," God said.

Joan woke with a start, a cold sweat drenched her sheets.

"It was a dream, just a dream." Joan whispered into the dark cabin room, where Judith and Darlene were snoring blissfully.


	3. 3: Hello Joan, I

Chapter 3: Hello Joan, I am Dr. Dan.

Dr. Dan's office was small and sparsely decorated. Behind his desk hung a variety of diplomas. The desk itself had a computer, and a pictures of what Joan assumed was of a family and friends. Sitting behind the desk, was a middle aged man who had begun to bald, but still retained the majority of his gray hair. He wore the standard uniform at Gentle Acres. He shifted in his spot, and as he jotted down a few details on a yellow legal pad. Joan sat across from Dr. Dan, her palms sweaty from gripping the arn rests.

"You really should relax, I'm not going to bite." He said, looking up from his notes.

"I've never been to a psychiatrist before," Joan said in an uneasy voice.

"Not even after Kevin's accident?" He said, his hand reaching for a pen in a coffee cup labeled 'Worlds Greatest Dad.' Joan squirmed as his gray eyes tried to peer into her soul, or thats how Joan felt.

"Well the police had a grief counselor come in, but it was just that one time." Joan said. "Well there was that family therapist," Joan added.

"I see, well basically I am here to help you deal with any issue you may have." His smile was pleasant, matching perfectly with his voice. "We do not have to get into anything to personal right away. But you may talk to me about anything. Here at Gentle Acres, we respect the privacy of those under our care."

"So... anything that I say is confidential?" Joan asked, "Not even my parents?"

"Not unless you want us to, in which case we can." Dr. Dan said.

"No!" Joan shouted, feeling embarrassed she whispered, "I'd want what I say here to be private."

"Perfectly fine, so have you decided on what extra activity you are going to choose?" He asked.

"I guess I was going to take crafts." Joan said sheepishly.

"You are good at art?" He asked. Joan gave a small laugh, creative was not her thing.

"No, I am pretty terrible at art. You would think that having an artist for your mom would give you some talent in it," Joan said.

"So you are taking crafts because of your mother?" Dr. Dan began to scribble down things on his legal pad.

"No," Joan said.

"Then why?" Dr. Dan's hand began to move faster.

"Well Adam, my boyfriend, is sort of an artist." Joan said, "Well not sorta, he is and he is amazing."

"Love, its an incredibly powerful feeling." Dr Dan said in a dream like way, "is it serious?"

"As in sex?" Joan blurted out as her mind wandered back to the night in the hotel room. A chill ran down her spine while the ache for Adam intensified. When the realization of what she had said, she looked down. She had never really discussed sex with anyone other then her friends. Her mother had given her the talk, but it had been watered down. Dr. Dan had an amused smile on his face.

"No, but sex can drastically alter a relationship." Dr Dan stated matter of factly, perhaps as a result of years of spewing out the same rehearsed phrase. "If you are having sex, I do hope you are taking proper precautions. Youth today seem to realize such moment in time could effect the rest of your life." Joan squirmed in her chair. "I'm sorry, have I made you uncomfortable? Part of my job is to be nonjudgmental."

"No, we never had sex." Joan whispered, silently debating whether or not to tell him about the hotel room. In the end, she had lost the debate. "We came close though. I had misunderstood my mission, and thought I was supposed to sleep wi-" Joan stopped abruptly realizing what she said. "Forget it." Joan said, as if she had read Dr. Dan's mind.

"Well no, lets discuss this." Dr. Dan said enthused, much to Joan's displeasure. "What do you mean by these 'missions'"

"no," she muttered.

"We are going to have to discuss what happened to you, this could be the first steps." Dr. Dan said. When he realized Joan would not continue, he continued the subject. "So, why didn't you two have sex?" Joan considered whether or not to answer, or simply walk out. She lost this debate as well.

Joan's voice was shaky, "It felt wrong. When he realized I was uncomfortable with it, he told me he only wanted it, when I was ready."

"He sounds like a great guy," Dr. Dan said, then added, "did it feel wrong because you thought it was a something you had to do? That it was part of a 'mission?'" Joan shot him a cold stare. For a long while, they sat in an uncomfortable silence. Dr. Dan placed the legal pad on his desk and began to rearrange the items on his desk, but only to replace everything a few moments later. Breaking the silence, Dr. Dan asked in his pleasant manner, "So how have you enjoyed Gentle Acres? Every summer I make sure that I can come and do my part to help."

"So you are a volunteer or something?" Joan asked after a long awkward silence.

"Oh yes, my practice has allowed me to contribute to many charities." His grin revealed his perfect teeth, "its actually not uncommon among doctors. They often go to impoverished areas and offer their services. Well those who have had fortune." Joan looked down at her feet, really not caring about this.

"Yesterday when I was walking down to get my assigned cabin, I tripped." Joan hesitated, "And the whole room, including many of the counselors laughed."

"Its never fun being laughed at for being human," Dr. Dan said soothingly. "Have you made any friends?" And suddenly, Joan's face lit up. It had been perhaps the best thing since she and Adam finally got together.

"Her name's Judith," Joan, for the first time after entering the small office could speak strongly.

"Judith?" Dr. Dan's face became concerned.

The strength in Joan's voice evaporated, "whats wrong?" Joan had quickly learned that Judith could be obnoxious. She had sensed that she had her own dark past, but she couldn't be a psycho path could she?

"Oh its nothing, she is just," He hesitated, "It's just that I know her parents. Great people, and amazing psychiatrists, but from her record and how she has behaved at Gentle Acres in the past..." Joan frowned and placed a stray strand of her brown hair behind her ear. "You should probably stay clear of her, she is deeply troubled."

"You want me to give up my only friend in this hell hole?" Joan allowed the pent up anger to overcome her. "Well arn't we all deeply troubled in some way?" She demanded and for the first, but not the last, she began to cry in Dr. Dan's office.

"I suppose one could look at it like that," Dr. Dan said, but there was no emotion behind it. He reached for a box of tissues in the corner of his desk. He then extended them toward Joan, who simply ignored them.

"I just think it would be counter productive for you to spend time with her." Dr. Dan said, setting down the box of tissues within reaching distance.

"Well to bad, we share a cabin." Joan said, thinking it had been a triumph.

"Perhaps I should have that changed," Dr. Dan thought aloud.

"No! You can't do that..." Joan shouted, and then whispered ever so quietly, "please... you can't." Dr. Dan sat their, his fingers laced together as they rested on his desk.

"I'm sorry," Dr. Dan said at length. "We have only just gotten to know each other. I was only looking out for you. But perhaps its not my place to decide such matters? If I think Judith has become a negative influence, I will have you two separated." Dr. Dan then stood up, and walked towards a shelf crammed with books and spiraled notebooks. "What color do you prefer?"

"Green," She said, sniffling a little.. Dr. Dan then pulled out a green spiraled notebook.

"Everyday I want you to write in this Journal." Dr. Dan explained, "you can write about anything. What your feeling, what you did that day, what you dreamed last night. Anything. This will be completely private, but if you want me to show me something I am always here." He smiled as he handed the notebook over. "That is all we have today. Now until further notice, you will be seeing me everyday. If I think you have made improvement, we can make it every other day. But if you slip, that can easily be changed to twice a day."

Joan stood up and considered making a comment. She wanted to say a lot, but she found she had no strength. Instead she left the office with the green spiral notebook in hand. Dr. Dan's office was really just a cabin near the Mess Hall. As she left the office she was bathed in morning light. The summer mornings breeze, gently tousled her hair. What a great way to start the day, Joan thought bitterly.


	4. 4: On a bench, under a oak tree

Chapter 4: On a Bench, under an Oak Tree.

Joan found Judith sitting on a bench under a oak tree ten minutes after leaving Dr. Dan's office. She looked agitated and restless. Every few minutes she would stand up and pace in front of the bench. Then sit down. Standing from afar, Joan tried to stifle a laugh. It was awhile before Judith noticed Joan standing in the distance. Her eyes lit bright and she summoned her with her hand with a few quick jerking movements. Straightening her face, she walked towards Judith and plopped down beside her. Up close Judith looked like a steam roller plowed through over her. Dark circles rimmed her eyes from lack of sleep.

"Judith, are you alright?" Joan asked, forgetting the mornings session with Dr. Dan.

"I need a smoke," Judith sighed, "longest I have been without one," she smiled.

"You smoke?" Joan said. Joan had tried smoking once, with a disastrous result. It was back before she had moved to Arcadia, one of her friends had dared her. When she inhaled she had a fit of violent coughs. The taste had, as she expected, was beyond disgusting. Her friends had taken a different liking towards smoking.

"Yeah," Judith said standing up and began pacing, "I know I shouldn't. Lung cancer and all that." Judith gave Joan a resigned glance.

"No need to explain," Joan said, "I am completely addicted to salt on cantaloupe."

"Hardly the same thing," Judith said, now sitting down.

"I guess you haven't seen me eat salt with cantaloupe before," Joan winked and gave a small giggle.

They sat their under the great oak tree, enjoying the warm summer morning. After awhile Judith relaxed and her agitation tapered off. Joan slowly began flipping through the green spiraled notebook, as if it had secrets to tell. But there was nothing in the book, not yet at least. She had never been good at keeping a diary, she was reluctant to divulge her secrets. The thought of Kevin or Luke rummaging through her mind terrified her, let alone her parents. Perhaps it was best that she hadn't written in a diary, what if she had mentioned her seeing god? She would have been shipped here ages ago.

"Did you know you talked in your sleep?" Judith said breaking the silence. Joan was dumbfounded. Did she speak in her sleep? "You kept saying 'You are not real' over and over." Judith gave a small chuckle, enjoying the chagrin in my expression.

"I had a nightmare," Joan said, turning away from Judith. "Something about mean koalas in hats." Joan lied quickly. Judith got a kick out of this.

"Awww, did JoJo have a nightmare about cute cuddly koala's?" Judith's said in a way a mother might speak to a small baby or child.

"They had hats," Joan said defensively. But she was relieved Judith bought her lie. "Why were you up? When I went to bed you were out like lamp." Judith was caught off guard from the look on her face.

"Couldn't sleep last night, kept having nic fits." Judith's lie was obvious, not that Joan doubted her cravings. Judith struck Joan as a girl who could lie out of a supermax prison if needed. Judith's voice wavered and her strength had simply gone. The nic fit was only part of it. But Joan accepted the lie.

"Whats with the notebook," Judith said after awhile. Joan looked from the notebook to Judith. Her blue eyes were different. They were not the carefree, screw you world, they had been a minute ago. They appeared to be full of resentment.

Joan shrugged, "Dr. Dan says I need to journal every day." Judith let out a low sigh, and placed her hands in her lap.

"So you have him," Now it was Judith's voice that was different. Her strong and confident voice was now a ghost of a whisper, and wreaked of malice. Joan squirmed in her spot, suddenly feeling cold.

"When I mentioned you, he wanted to split us apart," Joan said in what she thought was a calm and collected voice. But in reality, she was scared. An inner feeling kicked into overdrive. She could not remember when she had obtained this sense. She couldn't remember having it before Arcadia. Joan wanted to reach out and hold Judith to comfort her. But she didn't.

"Is that so," she said looking at the lake. Avoiding my eyes, Joan thought.

"But I couldn't let that happen, your the only friend I got right now." Joan said cheerfully. But that instinct, didn't relent. Judith turned to Joan, her eyes looked old. It was unnatural for such young eyes to look that old, but they did. Joan could tell she was on the verge of tears, that something was ripping at her from the insides. Joan fought her own tears. So they sat their staring into each others eyes. Hoping that, whatever it was, she would confide in her someday.

Joan was unsure how long they sat there, simply enjoying the summer day. It could have been minutes or hours. But they sat next to each other, allowing the sun to bath them in its loving warmth. Joan watched the world around her, the trees as they slowly aged, the grass that had been neatly mowed recently. She watched glimpses of a squirrels play a game that reminded her of tag. But every so often, Joan's eyes would wander back to Judith. She had regained her composure, but she still showed the signs of someone in pain. She sorta reminded her of what she must have looked like lying in the hospital bed. How the realization of how everything she had been through was for nothing. To find out that god had been a figment of her imagination. It was a deep seeded pain that slowly gnawed at you. Never laying dormant, and always popping up when you thought it was safe again.

So they sat and allowed the day pass by under the great oak tree.


	5. 5: Crafting Lamps

Chapter 5: Crafting a Lamp.

By the time Joan reached her afternoon Crafts class, she had forgotten about what happened under the Oak Tree. Judith had to go to her own therapy session, leaving Joan to sit under the oak tree. Sitting there, Joan tried to process what she had witnessed, but her eyes kept returning to the Goth Kid. No matter how hard she tried, her mind found him. When her watch beeped, signaling she had ten minutes until Crafts, she had forgotten about Judith.

The room was large and spacious with long wooden tables running down the center of the room. It reminded her of the Mess Hall, except instead of a stage there was am easel, and another table. The table's contents were projects from past students. Many of the projects reminded her of Adam. The ache felt stronger now as the ghost of Adam's memories wrapped his arms around her. Her nostrils flared, as her mind remembered his scent. Now the ache throbbed. She had heard the term heart broken, but had never considered it to be a physical sensation. But perhaps you couldn't, not until it was to late. Though her heart was broken, it felt empty. As if a piece of her had vanished... Adam.

Joan found a seat towards the back of the room. The furthest place from the table she could adorned with project that so reminded her of Adam. She had taken the class to feel closer, to help soothe the ache missing Adam brought. Instead, it worsened. She fiddled with her notebook, wishing she had dropped it off at the cabin. Slowly, the rest of the people who were assigned to take crafts, began to poor into the room. The steady hum of conversation ran throughout the room.

"Hello Joan," a guy in a brown corduroy jacket said. Joan studied him for a moment. Her fingers went white as she gripped the edge of her bench.

"Do I know you?" Joan asked. "How do you know my name?"

"You could say you know me," he said thoughtfully, "I know your name because it was announced the first day." Joan's cheeks blushed.

"But how do I know you?" Joan said, regaining some of her composure. He shrugged and smiled pleasantly.

"I was wondering if you were doing anything tonight." He reached his hand out in a gesture of friendship.

"I.. uh." Joan felt like she had been hit by a bus, "I have a..."

"Boyfriend?" His eyes twinkled with knowledge.

"Yes," Joan said, but for the life of her she could no longer remember who her boyfriend was.

"He's a lucky guy," The cute guy said. He retracted his hand, and then said "That doesn't mean we can't have a little fun tonight. As friends, Adam wouldn't want you to have a dull summer, would he?" Joan was put off guard, had she said Adam's name?

"Alright, fine. What did you have planned?" Joan asked.

"I thought we could enjoy a little midnight swim. In the woods, just beyond the Cabins there is this small pond. Its nice and reclusive." Joan squirmed in her spot. "bring Judith along if you want. I hope to see you there though." For a second time, Joan was confused. Had she mentioned Judith. Joan looked down at her lap in confusion. Struggling with this enigma. When she looked up, the guy was gone. She looked up and down the hall, but he was no where in sight. His last words, 'I hope to see you there' rang in her mind. That feeling, the one that she felt when she was Judith earlier panged.

A loud bell rang, startling Joan from her thoughts. She looked around, her brown hair flapping helplessly from side to side. When the bell finished, everyone was silent and sitting. A large burly man in a red flannel shirt, and blue jeans appeared was standing at the easel. Around his face was a five o clock shadow. The man reminded Joan of Al from Home Improvement.

"Alright class," The man said with authority. "In here you will obey me without question." He started to pace. "I am a very lenient man, all I ask is for respect." He paused, his eyes roamed the room and landed on Joan, who had been trying to stifle a giggle. She had half expected Tim to make a wise crack. "Miss, in the back." Joan froze as he spoke. "Mind coming up here?" The class grew deathly quiet. Joan pointed at herself, and when he nodded she exhaled unaware she had held her breath. She staggered to her feet, and walked slowly towards her death.

"Uh, you..." Joan managed to choke out.

"Might I ask, why you were laughing?" The burly man almost shouted.

"Its just that..." Joan whispered, "You reminded me of Al Borland from Home Improvement..." The mans fierce brown eyes bore into Joan. Then a wide smile cracked his face. He gave a large bellow of laughter. Joan regained her strength, and gave a grin. When he sobered up, he dismissed Joan. The audience was stunned.

"Now that we got that cleared up," his voice transformed into something of a roar. Causing a few people to jump a little. The man took pleasure in this and continued, "During this time, you will be constructing various projects. They can be about anything. Try and use those pent up emotions to help you craft a work of art. Treat everyone with respect and this can be a great experience for you." The man began to pace again, his eyes roaming the crowed. "You will find a bunch of supplies in behind me," He threw a gesture indicating this, "If you need any help, want a friendly conversation, or want to try and impress me. I will be floating around the room." He then turned his back on the group, and began to pick up the projects on the table, examining them. As everyone began wandering towards the front of the room. But before anyone could get close, the man turned abruptly, a flower decorated mug clenched tightly in his hand, and said "Oh right. My name is Mr. Paterson. Or you can call me Alan." His eyes searched the room, and found Joan still sitting. "Or Al," he said grinning. Joan could feel her cheeks grow bright red.

Joan stood hovering over the supplies. The supplies had been rearranged on several tables and on the floor. The items ranged from the usual things you might find at a crafts store, but in the mix were things you might find in at a garage sale. She felt as if Adam could be standing where she was, slowly picking and choosing the miscellaneous items he would use to create a piece of art. She ran her finger over some of the objects; a glass bowl filled with buttons, small bottles of colored glitter, scissors, paper, and a light blue ceramic lamp with a cream colored shade. She paused for a moment and she felt something click inside.

She lifted the ceramic lamp. It felt heavy in her hands. She peeked under the shade to see a light bulb tingly screwed into place. She studied the lamp for several seconds and suddenly she wasn't holding a simple ceramic lamp. It had bright greens, yellows, and oranges. It was adorned with red daisies and other various flowers. The shade was no longer a boring cream, but had been replaced with yellow paper. A sudden thrilling thought passed her mind, was this how Adam felt? Suddenly she felt closer to him then she had ever been. She could hear him whisper in his gentle manner "I love you, Jane,"

Joan then scrambled to obtain the needed material. She easily found a large pile of a foam like substance, it was perfect. It had the flexibility and cut easily. A grin spread across her face with every item obtained. Soon her arms were full of the material she would need. She staggered towards her spot, brimming with excitement.

The people around her were less enthused about the prospect of the class. They had gathered little material and while conversing with their friends they slowly assembled their projects. Joan on the other hand began cutting out shapes of flowers. When she was satisfied, she began cutting strips of the foam that would go on the base of the lamp. She then carefully began gluing the pieces together.

The final product was far from her vision. She passed it off easy enough, figuring it had happened to Adam plenty of times. The flowers had been crooked and poorly placed. She had chosen a more golden yellow for the shade, which would probably block most of the light. The strips she had applied to the base of the lamp were not always perfect. She could still see cracks of light blue. But it didn't matter. she was proud of her lamp.

Dr. Paterson made his rounds and stopped behind His shadow loomed over her making her feel small. She didn't need the shadow to tell he was behind her though. He had a presence that you could simply feel coming long before your other senses noticed.. A chill crept down her spine. She could feel his large brown eyes taking apart her lamp. He made a soft hmm sound, as if he were in front of a fridge deciding what to eat.

"Reminds me of the 60s" He said thoughtfully, causing Joan to jump a little. "Was that what you were going for?" The question caught her off guard.

"No, not really," she stuttered, "I don't think I did anyways." Joan could hear someone cough hippie.

"Then how did you come up with this?" He asked.

"I just sort of... saw it." Joan whispered, suddenly aware the whole room was staring at her. "Well not like this," She made a gesture, "But something close."

"I like it." He said and suddenly Joan could feel his presence leave. She felt a sense of relief as it did. She looked around quickly, daring them to say something. Not that she felt brave enough to backup her glare. She returned to her project and fiddled with a few things.

"So about tonight," a voice said casually. Joan looked up to see the cute guy sitting in front of her. "You in?" Joan hesitated, she hadn't given it much thought. Her face must have revealed her confusion because he said this next, "Don't worry I will not be trying anything funny. Like I said, bring Judith along."

"What time?" Joan asked.

"Hows around midnight sound?" He smiled in his pleasant way.

"fine, but I am bringing Judith."


	6. 6: by entering the light

A/N: It's been awhile since I updated this story. Well it feels like forever. So here you go.

Chapter 6: by entering the light, by joining the dance

"Please Judith," Joan begged trying to use her puppy eye look. "You've got to come."

"You want me to go into the woods at night, with a complete stranger?" Judith scolded. She was sitting cross legged on the couch, her back against the arm rest. Her arms were folded together under her bosom. Her eye brows scrunched together. "I have done some stupid things in the past, but not even I would do this." Joan, sitting in a similar position on the other side of the couch, threw her hands in hair in frustration. Judith simply shrugged as if to say, 'sorry, but this is a really dumb idea.'

"You know I always thought you would be the one suggesting we break the rules," Joan said trying a different approach.

"There is an art to breaking rules," Judith said defensibly. "I like to take the first week to get to know what I am up against. At least when my plan's backfire I can try and wiggle myself free." She made a wiggling gesture with her hand. "Its been what, a day?"

"Please?" Joan asked again. For a long time their eyes were connected by an invisible thread. Neither could look away as the unspoken war raged between them. Words would not win this fight, only simple determination. Joan was about to surrender, but something shifted in Judith's eyes. It was as if a barrier had been demolished. Her eyes went from hard, unreadable to a soft resigned look.

"What's this guys name again?" Judith said. To Joan it was the equivalent of raising a white flag.

"His name is..." Joan stopped. Had he even said his name? The connection broke, but before Joan turned her eye sight away, she could see the barrier being reconstructed.

"You don't even know his name?" Judith jumped up and began walking towards her bed. "So lets get this straight. You want to go into the woods in the middle of the night, to meet a stranger, whose name you don't even know." Judith had turned around and her eyes were furious. "JoJo, whats so important about this anyways? I thought you had a boyfriend." A thousand things bubbled within her, forcing its way to the surface, but Joan pursed her lips together.

"Its... important." Joan whispered, wishing she had let the flow of comebacks out instead. "besides he made it clear that he just wants to hang out, he respects my relationship with Adam." Judith gave Joan a look she would never forget. For the first time, Judith looked completely dumbfounded.  
"He is a guy," Judith said as if it explained everything. "Fine," Judith said in a resigned way. "But I am bringing my pepper spray." Joan jumped up, and lunged at Judith. She then embraced her with a giant bear hug.

When the time came, a quarter till midnight, they made sure Darlene was fast asleep. After they confirmed this, they silently slipped out into the night. Gentle Acres was different at night. During the day there was large activity. Campers running around towards their therapy session or any of the numerous 'classes' offered at Gentle Acres. Then there were the people who hung around the Cabins in large cliques discussing things. Now, as the clock neared midnight, the only sound was the silent footfalls of Joan and Judith and the chirping of crickets. The world had been casted in darkness, the only lights were the infrequent lamp posts, and the hundreds of lightning bugs. Joan wished she could stop and enjoy the sight of the bugs, it was something you missed while living in the city. She knew she couldn't though. If she lingered, she would be caught.

Several times, Joan was convinced she was caught. Her heart thundered madly as her mind began to paint the picture of Judith and her standing up against a wall, a large spotlight pouring its light onto them. Dogs shrouded in the darkness, barking madly. When she snapped out of those few daymares, she wondered how anyone could be asleep with her heart thudding so loudly.

From the Cabins to the forest was a open grass field perhaps the length of a football field. Joan and Judith had crept behind a Cabin, its occupants sleeping blissfully. Judith's blue eyes were different. They had taken on a wild look to them. It was the first time that night, Joan realized what she was doing. She considered turning back, the look in Judith's eyes had demolished her resolve to meet the mysterious guy. Judith looked back at her, her face confused.

"We going to do this?" Judith asked. Joan nodded. After making sure the coast was clear. Joan took deep breath and they both ran. There was no cover, so if someone had decided to pass by they would see the two girls running crazily through the grassy field. Joan was reminded of the No Mans land in World War I her history teacher had talked about. She pictured soldiers behind the cover of the forest ready to take aim at the ones positioned at the camp. She was then filled with a euphoria, she felt like bursting with laughter, but she struggled to tame it. If she would have looked into a mirror, she would have seen the wild and untamed eyes she had seen in Judith's.

When they reached the woods, Joan allowed the exhilaration of the night sweep through her. Judith tried to remain stoic, only allowing a smirk to grace her lips. She couldn't hold out long, and soon joined Joan in her celebration. They both were laughing, and making comments through gasping breaths on how incredible it was. When they sobered up, but not completely, they made their way through the woods.

Just as the guy in the brown corduroy jacket had said, there was a small pond. Surrounding the shore were old wooden benches. The place felt surreal, as if they had been transported into a fairy tale. Nothing felt real, and perhaps that was partly due to the adrenaline that still flowed freely through Joan's veins. The Cute Guy was no where to be found. Nothing stirred except for Joan and Judith who were standing there, unsure if they should wait or head back.

"Its 12:15," Judith said looking at the watch on her wrist, its face lit by a a soft green color. "I hate to say it but I think you were stood up." Joan shot her a 'you think?' look. Judith simply shrugged. "So what now?"

"we could just go back," Joan suggested, knowing that was not going to happen.

"To wide awake," Judith said casually, "mornings going to be hell though."

They gradually found themselves sitting on one of the benches. The pond's surface was perfectly smooth, reminding Joan of black glass. The full moon's was perfectly reflected at the center of the water. Again the feeling of being in a fairy tale crept on Joan.

"Damn I need a smoke," Judith moaned. Joan gave a side ways glance and could see she was agitated.

Time seemed to slowly disappear. They were only slightly aware of the moon's progress overhead. They simply sat there, Joan feeling foolish for allowing a stranger to trick her like this and Judith fidgeting for a smoke, and allowed the nights warm breeze skate off the pond and onto them. Suddenly, they could hear a group of people arguing. It took them a moment before they realized the argument was coming closer, and fast. Judith tugged on Joan's shirt trying to drag her away. Another moment before Joan realized the implications of being here. When time disappeared, so does your rationalization.

They hid behind a bush, perfectly concealed as the two strangers emerged from the forest and into the clearing with the pond. The two were dressed in Gentle Acre attire. One of them, a female had dark red hair that was tied back in a pony tale. The second one, a male with short spiked black hair, was shouting.

"How could you sleep with that douche!" He shouted.

"I didn't sleep with him!" The female screamed, "how could you think I would do such a thing? I am not a slut,"

"Could have fooled me," He turned his back on her, his fists clenched tight.

"What about Molly?" She said. He turned around, and grabbed her shoulder. Joan winced.  
"I didn't sleep with her," he said mockingly. She screamed in frustration. From where they were hidden, Joan could see that he was starting to apply more pressure. She let out a yelp of pain.  
"Your hurting me," She whimpered.

"Look I can forgive you," he said, trying to be comforting. "But you have to admit it. I am like god, I forgive all. All you need to do is admit your dirty little sin." Joan found herself thinking he is nothing like god, he would never do this.

"Please... let me go," She said struggling.

"Admit that you slept with Brian." His voice was determined.

"But...I didn't! I swear." She said, tears now freely falling from her face.

"Don't lie to me!" He shouted, shaking her violently. Joan spine tingled. She wanted to do something, anything. She made a move to get up, but Judith grabbed her wrist and pulled her down. Even in the dark, Joan could see the fear in Judith's eyes. She shook her head. When Joan looked back to where the fighting couple to see that the man was now holding a knife. Joan's strength left her and she swayed a bit. Suddenly, she was no longer at Gentle Acres.

She was standing in the forest. She was not wearing her Gentle Acre's uniform but her button up red sweater and one of her favorite dresses. She was not alone. Standing in front of her was a guy who was on the chubby side. He was wearing a suit and her father's tie. His demeanor that the kids at school had become accustomed to, the large scary bully, had crumbled. He was now a frightened young man trying to fight back the tears. In his shaky hands, he held a gun. He turned around and fired at a bottle.

"You have to fire between heart beats," he had said in his whiny voice. Then with three quick shots he shattered the bottles.

"This wasn't supposed to happen. You weren't supposed to get expelled!" She heard her voice shout frantically, trying to calm Ramsey.

Joan made a realization then, she had been strong then. She would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night. Cold sweat covering her from head to toe. Those gunshots still ringing clearly in her ears. She had been scared, and on those nights she was still afraid. Yet she was strong, finding strength even though Ramsey held a gun to her. Where had that strength gone? Another detail found its way, and the forest with Ramsey disappeared.

She now stood in the middle of a crowded hallway. The general atmosphere was busy, yet cheerful. Again she was not standing alone, a old lady with light brown hair stood holding a plate of muffins. Behind the small silver framed glasses, were a caring, and all knowing pair of eyes.

"Ok. Fine. I observed Ramsey. His life is still ruined." She heard herself say, she couldn't help but notice the twinge of anger in her voice.

"his life wasn't the only one at stake," she said mournfully.

"What do you mean?" The former Joan asked. Her anger vanished, replaced by fear.

"There's Laura Eason, ninth-grader. She plays the flute." The old lady pointed towards a small girl standing by a locker, her flute in hand "She would have been one of the first to go, coming out of orchestra at the wrong time," she gave Former Joan a frown, "and Andrew Bayer, he would have tried to save his friend Lawrence Distasi and lost his life." She then nodded towards to guys in varsity jackets. "And Gavin price and 3 other students in the cafeteria and Mr. Harvey and ms. Schmidt in the library. And finally Steve Ramsey himself. And for each of these faces, Joan, there are 12 more whose lives would have come to an end today, lives altered forever by you, by the simple effect of being present... by entering the light, by joining the dance." Former Joan looked at each of the people. She had not known then personally, but the thought of them dying terrified her. A single tear fell down her cheek, and Former Joan quickly wiped it away.

There had been a reason, always a reason for what she did. She had taken Steve Ramsey to the dance, and because of her actions that night she saved lives. How many more lives had she saved? Last nights dream came into mind. She had been in a church surrounded by people. Some she knew, and some she didn't. God... if thats what he was, had said she had helped them all and so much more.

The hallway vanished, and she was in the forest crouched next to Judith. The couple, the man with his knife and the girl pleading frantically. Her strength returned, her fear present but ignored. Slowly she stood up. Judith made a jerking movement to pull Joan down. But Joan yanked herself free.

"I am like god," He said, slowly running the knifes blade across her skin, "I forgive all, you just have to admit it and say your sorry." Her whimpering sounds became louder. Joan was now standing straight up.

"You don't want to do this..." Joan said carefully. "Please, you can forget this ever happened." Joan could feel Judith tugging at her pants. Joan glanced downwards for a second, and looked at the man.

"Who the hell are you?" He said jabbing the knife towards Joan.  
"Just put the knife away, alright?" Joan pleaded. The fear she had ignored was coming back. To late now she thought.

"This is none of your business, now get out!" He shouted forcibly.

"Please Travis... just listen to her?" her voice was distorted by her sobbing.  
"Shut up," He shook her violently, the knife cutting her on the cheek. She let a cry of pain. Suddenly there were flashlights dancing in the distance. A man, Mr. Paterson, began shouting. The shout startled Travis. The girl, made a move to disarm him. They struggled for what felt like forever, time was meaningless. Joan could hear the blade slide easily into the girls ribcage. Under the full moon's light, Joan could see her expression, her open mouth ready to let out a scream that would never come. Travis's face was what truly scared Joan. His face was not remorseful it did not even reflect sorrow. It was that of someone who was annoyed at a fly that kept buzzing around.

Joan let out a scream, perhaps it was the scream the girl could never make, but it was full of fear nonetheless. Now Mr Patterson, and from the sounds of it several other people, came running. They came out of the forest. Travis holding the blood drenched knife, the girl's lifeless corpse at his feet.

"Hey whats going on here!" Mr. Paterson shouted, but even in the dark, Joan could see his face go ghost white. The other people made gasps of surprise and shock. Travis, simply stood there annoyed. For a long moment, and sometime during it Judith joined Joan, they stood their motionless. Unsure of what to do. Travis realizing his chance slowly backed away and ran. Mr. Paterson made an attempt to run after him, but it was too late he had vanished in the darkness.

A/N:

It may not be exactly said within the text. But Joan isn't exactly teleported into those moments in her life(which are two scenes from The Uncertainty Principle, along with the title of this chapter) She is vividly remembering those moments. Also 'Former Joan' is what Joan used to be before the episode Silence, where she had lost her faith in God. Chapter 7 should be coming up soon! I hope.


	7. 7: Snowflake

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay in an update. Since I finished the last chapter I have been poking my brain saying 'You need to write.' But each time I decided to watch either JoA or X-files. But anyways, Chapter 7 is finally here!! Also don't be hesitant to review, even if it is to tear it apart and tell me everything thats wrong with it. Actually, that would be awesome.

Chapter 7: Snow Flakes.

Joan and Judith sat huddled together, a thick grey blanket clung around their shoulders. They had been escorted back to their cabin. Mr. Paterson had spoken little except to ask if they were alright. When they arrived at the Cabin, Darlene had vanished from her bed. Joan made the connection and had let out a small groan.

Judith was shivering slightly. A look of doom and gloom casted her face in a sullen look. Her eyes were distant and cold. Joan knew that look, the look of a person wanting to be anywhere but there. While Judith was composed, Joan was a mess. Her eyes were leaking like Niagra falls. The image of the girl, blood seeping through her light yellow Gentle Acres shirt, was burned in her mind. Every time she closed, she could see Travis and the girl struggling.

There was a sudden rapping noise on the door, startling the girls out of their own thoughts. The door slowly opened and two men entered. Joan recognized her father immediately. He was a larger of the two men. His face was worn from the exposure of the worlds worst while serving as a Police officer. His eyes, a dark brown, looked ancient as he tried to force back his tears. Joan was suddenly all to aware of what her fathers job was like. The second man, a tall skinny man, had a similar look on his face. His hair, unlike Will Girardi's whose had retained its jet black appearance, was brown with graying mixed. His goatee, had been treated with a similar condition as his hair. In his left hand he held a bag of skittles. Slowly taking a one or two and chewing threw them thoughtfully. Joan sat there, as the two detectives made themselves comfortable. Neither child nor parent wanting to break the ice. Judith was trying to avoid their stare.

"Hello, I am Detective Girardi, and this is my partner Detective Carlisle" Will said gesturing towards his partner. The bag of skittles had disappeared and was replaced by a small bag of chips. "Carlisle, this is my daughter, Joan." Will shot Carlisle a 'Seriously, what else do you have?" glance, and then pointed to Joan.

"Nice to meet you," He said nodding.

"This is Judith," said Joan giving a weak smile as she bumped into her. Judith smiled a little, but only briefly. Something told Joan that it wasn't the first time she ran into the police.

"Look, I know this is going to be tough," Will said. "but I need you two to be strong. I would like to get this while the memory is still fresh." Will's face grew concerned when he noticed Joan's water works were beginning to work. Joan simply nodded. "First, I would like to know as how you two were at the pond in the first place."

"You asking as a parent, or a cop?" Joan asked, feeling the rebellious teenager strength return to her.

"Both, but as a cop first." Carlisle spoke. It was obvious to Joan that he feared Will's objectivity may be compromised.

"We were..." Joan started but was cut off by Judith.

"We decided to go for a midnight walk. I was at Gentle Acres last summer and it takes some getting used to. Sleeping with a bunch of crazies can cause for some sleepless nights." Judith spoke smoothly.

"No thats..." Joan was about to blab the truth, but realized what Judith was trying to do. "Yeah, it was something like that. At the mention of crazies, Joan could see her father flinch, almost in a comedic way.  
"You've been here before?" Will asked Judith, more in a concerned father then a detective. Carlisle cleared his throat, and Will changed the question. "How much of it did you witness and can you describe it?" Joan sat their, squirming awkwardly in her spot.

"We witnessed enough to get the idea behind the fight." Judith supplied. "We were by the Pond sitting on the bench when we heard arguing. We then hid in the nearby bushes. That Travis kid, was accusing the girl of cheating on him." Judith was staring at Joan as she spoke. She turned her attention to the detectives. "She accused him of cheating and the fought some more. Next thing I know the Kid has a knife and was threatening the girl and Joan was trying to talk him out of doing anything stupid. The counselors came starting Travis. They struggled, and then she was... dead." Judith spoke as if she were giving a report of some event. Her voice was smooth and unemotional. Will studied her for a moment, then began jotting down the story.

"Is this what happened Joan?" Will asked, turning his attention to his daughter. Joan nodded. "Now its nice for your friend to cover for you," Will started gently, "But I need to know. Why you were actually out in the woods." Judith looked puzzled.  
"Dad!" Joan shouted.

"I need to be a Detective first, and a father second." Will said, "I need to know the whole truth, and I know when someone is lying to me."

"Because Judith told you the story, it must mean its a lie?" Joan accused. She could tell she caught him off guard because his expression was of shock.

"That's not it at all," he said placing a hand on her knee. Will knew this attack wasn't personal, she was trying to avoid what happened. Joan caught Judith's sly smile, as she tilted her head down and it infuriated her.

"Don't worry," Judith said thoughtfully, "we were busted the second you tried to tell him I was lying." Joan looked away from Judith and the two detectives. It had been only a short week since she left the Hospital and already she was doing something Crazy. She sat their silent, hoping the real reason they went into the woods tonight wouldn't reach Dr. Dan's ears.

"There was a boy in my Crafts class today." Joan began but was immediately cut off.

"A boy?" Will asked.

Joan ignored her father, and continued, "he said he was going to be by the pond tonight and that he was wondering if I could join him." Joan, still looking away, was thankful for Judith trying to cover it up. Her story only furthered the idea she was... crazy. Joan thought for a moment on how she should phrase the next part. It wasn't everyday a guy with no name mysteriously shows up knowing everything about you and your friends. "He said if I wanted I could bring a friend. So after Crafts, I asked Judith if she was interested."

"Joan, haven't I taught you anything?" Will sighed, his left hand rubbing his forehead. "You know better then that."

"Yeah and thats why I brought Judith." Joan retorted. Her brown eyes trying to burn holes into her mattress.

"Did this guy ever show?" Carlisle asked.

"The dude stood us up," said Judith in a tone that was supposed to sound offended, "can you imagine a guy standing two gorgeous girls like us?" Carlisle gave a small smile.

"Alright, we are going to need his name." Carlisle took out his own notepad and clicking a pen.

"Thats the thing..." Joan paused. She was unsure if she should just make up a name, or tell the truth. In the end she told the truth, feeling it was pointless to lie. They could look it up on the records, and if he wasn't listed she would be caught. "He never actually said his name."

"Joan Girardi!" Will scolded. Joan gave a small whimper of defeat.

"Well what does this guy look like?" Carlisle put a hand on Will's shoulder. Will was no longer a detective, but a father.

"He had short brown hair and he was cute," Joan said, blushing a little. "He was wearing a brown corduroy jacket."

"Sounds like God," Will said absentmindedly. Joan gave a start and started fidgeting with the blanket. It had felt like someone had walked over her grave.

"Didn't know you were a believer," Carlisle said.

"I'm not. My wife had a dream about God with a similar appearance." Will shrugged. Judith looked over at Joan, and reached for her hand. It was apparent her father was oblivious to her current agitation. Joan accepted the hand of comfort easily.

"What was her name," Joan asked, suddenly aware she had not known her name.

"Whose?" Will asked

"The girl, who was." Joan paused unable to continue the sentence.

"Jamie Lynn." Carlisle supplied the answer, as his hand reached for a chip.

The Detectives continued their interrogation for another ten minutes. When they finished, Will and Carlisle stood up. Will bent over and kissed his daughter on the forehead, wishing he could do something to ease his daughters pain, such was the curse of being a loving father. As they left. Joan continued to cry. Somehow she felt she had failed. It was a peculiar feeling, mostly because she wasn't sure where the feeling came. The feeling felt to familiar for her liking. As if she had felt it on occasion, all with no real reason. She struggled with the feeling for awhile and finally gave a resigned sigh. She stood up. Judith kept trying to pull her back down. They laughed and it felt good to experience joy. Finally she made her way to her bed, and easily slipped into the realm of sleep.

She was in a Church. The same church she was in the first night at Gentle Acres. An amusing thought crossed her mind, a realization of sorts. She had been at Gentle Acres for about two days. She still knew that outside of the church was warm and beautiful. A place where people simply do not get stabbed after an argument. She was sitting in the middle of a pew. She was dressed in a white flowered dress.

Just like before, every time she tried to warm herself, she only grew colder.

"Hello Joan," A voice spoke from behind. Joan didn't need to look, she knew who it was.

"You're not real." Joan whispered, clamping her eyes shut and trying to will him away.

"You did well today," He said jumping the pew and sat next to Joan.

"You were the boy..." Joan said after peeking.

"To bad you probably wont remember that." He spoke with ease and in a matter of fact sort of way. He fiddled with a picture. The picture was a dark red head. Her white teeth visible from a giant grin. He titled the picture so that she could see. "Jamie Lynn," God said answering the question Joan was thinking.

"Lets say you really were God when I spoke to you at Crafts," Joan said slowly and then gave a short laugh. "Why would you send me to witness that? Was I supposed to stop him or something?"

"No," God said with an amused grin. "It was her time."

"Then why?" Joan stood up, and sat down in frustration. She wished she could release the pent up anger and frustration, but the moment she stood up she felt weak.

"I don't do a whole lot of explaining," God said, "But considering the circumstances I will explain. Perhaps some of it you will remember when you awake, and perhaps you wont. Whether you went to that pond or not Jamie Lynn was going to die. Thanks to you, Travis wont get away with it. If you hadn't been there Travis would have killed her, and disposed of the body. He would then return to Gentle Acres and tell the story of how she was running away. He would have taken some of her prized possessions and destroyed them. He would have disposed of her clothes. Jamie Lynn would have just disappeared off the face of the planet. By the time anyone suspects murder, Travis would be halfway around the world. Her parents would never have had peace." Joan sat their for a moment absorbing what she had just heard. She stood up and walked down the aisle towards the open Church entrance.

"This is to absurd to be true." Joan said defiantly. The proud joyful expression on God's face faltered.

"Still too soon," God said and after a long pause, "Desolation will end."

"What does that even mean!" Joan shouted. She now stood at the door. It's wide open mouth revealing the night's starry sky.

"It means, some day this pain you feel, this emptiness, this cold feeling you have when you think of me." God seemed to have appeared next to Joan. "This church," he made a gesture towards the alter at the front of the chapel. "will someday be warm and comforting. This will be a sanctuary for you... if you let it when Desolation ends." Joan felt a surge of energy.

"Why can't you just leave me alone, why can't I be normal." Joan nearly shouted. God stood their unflinchingly.

"No one is normal," His voice even retained his calmness, "as Grace might say, the term Normal is simply a device for society to try and control you." The night's starry sky vanished, and was replaced by clouds impregnated with billions of snow flakes. Softly, with the guiding hand of the wind, the flakes fell. Their was nothing harsh about it, and Joan stood their amazed. In her long life she had experienced some interesting vivid dreams. This was just to surreal. "Its one of the many things I love about Grace. She does not allow anyone to control her without a fight, she questions everything and you would be surprised how often she was right. The thing is Joan, every human is unique. Just like a snow flake. Each one as unique as the last, just like those snowflakes. ." As Joan listened, she watched the snow fall lazily into her dream world.

"Not everyone has to deal with... you," Joan said, not caring if she offended the 'almighty.' God gave a small laugh. "So why can't I be like them? Why can't I live my life blindly?"

"Would you really want that Joan?" God walked out of the church and took a deep breath. Snow slowly began to collect on his shoulders.

"Maybe..." Joan could see her breath as she spoke, "Is there something wrong with that? My Dad is the strongest person I know, and he doesn't even believe in you. So really, why do I need you?"

"Will Girardi," God turned to face Joan. "He is indeed a strongman. His moral compass is well tuned. But thats not exactly true. He doesn't want to believe in me, but there is a small part of him that still believes. It just needs to be... awakened." God walked towards Joan and she could clearly hear the snow crunch under his foot falls. "I suppose its sorta like you," God said, an amused smile on his face. Joan gave a violent shiver as he approached. "You know, you can stop the snow if you want, it is your dream after all." Joan snapped from her silence.

"So you are admitting that you are just a figment of my imagination." Joan said as the snow disappeared, and the clear starry night reappeared.  
"Oh you know better then that," God laughed, his face full of joy. "You need to wake up Joan," he said. The dream ended abruptly. Joan struggled to remember the dream, but every time she came close, the answers eluded her like a snowflake on a windy day. The feeling failure had vanished, replaced with a sense of success. A blanket of serenity wrapped itself around her. She looked around the room. Darlene was sleeping snug in her bed. She turned her attention to Judith, who had fallen asleep on the couch. The grey blanket half on her and half on the floor. The morning light casted the room in a surreal way, as if last night had never happened.


	8. 8: Revelations of Rove

Chapter 8: Revelations of Rove.

Joan was laying down on Dr. Dan's couch. She felt uncomfortable laying there. Her father had always been against therapists. Perhaps a bit of his resistance had worn off on her? Something told Joan it wasn't this, it was the idea of divulging her secrets to a complete stranger. Even this didn't satisfy her, and then she remembered how Judith freaked when he mentioned Dr. Dan yesterday. Had it only been that long? The thought seemed impossible, but she knew it to be true.

"Do you feel you are up to talking about last night?" Dr. Dan said as if to try and comfort her. Joan, who was staring at the ceiling, stole a glance at him. What was there to tell? She thought.

"Do we have to?" Joan whimpered. It had only been a few hours since she awakened with a blissful feeling warming her soul. The effects of whatever her dream was, was disappearing quickly. Now she couldn't get the image of Jaime Lynn lying on the ground out of her mind.

"What you witnessed was a tragic event." Dr. Dan began, "I think it would be best if we dealt with these feelings you are bottling up. I know its painful, but it will make things easier." Joan gave a sarcastic laugh.

"Whats there to tell? Judith and I decided to meet a boy at that pond. He stood us up and Jamie and Travis came and were arguing so we hid. They fought, and she died." Joan focused her sight on a fly that was crawling on the ceiling and missed the troubled expression on Dr. Dan's face.

"Did you both decide to go..." Dr. Dan said, his voice a little urgent. Joan laid there for a moment in silence, watching the fly until it flew away.

:"What are you suggesting?" Joan said, stealing another glance at Dr. Dan. His face was calm. He had perfected this stoic appearance early on. His line of work he heard a lot of terrible things and he needed to remain calm and stoic.  
"Judith..." He paused unsure how to proceed, "has been known to sneak out at night, meet boys in secluded places. She even lies." Dr. Dan emphasized that last word to much for Joan's liking. She shifted uncomfortably.

"It was my idea." Joan said after a moments hesitation. "I met this boy in crafts and convinced me to go to the Pond. He said I could bring Judith."

"Well maybe you should reconsider her as one of your roommates... you don't want her to rub off on you."

"No." Joan said. "I like Judith, shes my only friend." There was something wrong with this situation, Joan thought. What was his deal with Judith? The fly returned to the ceiling, or maybe it was a new fly? Slowly Joan followed it with her eyes.

"How did you sleep last night?" Dr. Dan asked changing the subject. Joan thought it over some. It was difficult to explain.

"Like a rock." said Joan simply.

"No nightmares?" He sounded puzzled.

"I don't remember my dream, but I know it was good. Great actually." Joan closed her eyes, wishing she could remember, but at the same time was unsure if that what she truly wanted. The session progressed from there as usual, or what would become usual. Dr. Dan tried to probe into her hallucinations, and even managed to sneak in a few slanderous remarks about Judith. When the session ended, Joan was reminded that she should write down her feelings in her journal.

Joan left the office and found her way to her cabin. On the way there she couldn't help but over hear the latest news regarding the Jamie Lynn murder. Apparently Travis had always been an abusive boyfriend, often threatening his girlfriends with a knife. Although she couldn't verify these facts, it didn't seem to stray from what happened. She also began to hear rumors that Jaimie was pregnant at the time of her death and that was the real reason she was here. Her parents being uber religious thinking it would be helpful for her sinner of a daughter.

When she arrived at the cabin Judith and Darlene were in a fight. Both girls were shouting at each other, and impressive line of curses flew from Judith's mouth. Both appeared to be at the point of blows.

"How could you rat us out like that?" Judith demanded.

"Why should you care? I probably saved your skanky ass." She retorted.

"Thats not the point, you could have gotten us kicked out!" Judith said.

"And Gentle Acres would be a better place for it." Darlene replied marching up the steps. She turned around and stuck her tongue out at Judith. Judith's anger seemed to have disappeared, as she was now busting a gut laughing.

"Looks like I missed something," Joan said. Judith turned around. Her wide grin revealing her perfect teeth.  
"Hey JoJo!" She said. She looked over her shoulder at the cabin. "Darlene was the one who ratted us out."

"I figured," Joan said gloomily, "She does have a point though. If she hadn't we may have died."

Judith shrugged and wrapped her arm around Joan's neck. They walked towards the steps and sat down. Joan felt comfortable with Judith, it was like having an older sister looking out for you. They sat there discussing the plans for the day. When Joan brought up her meeting with Dr. Dan, Judith went rigid.

"He seems almost obsessed about you," Joan said and regretted it immediately. Judith stood up and left Joan sitting there. Joan watched her rush in the opposite direction of where Dr. Dan's office was.

The days dragged on. The tension in the Cabin only grew. It had become official, Judith and Darlene were at war. Joan couldn't help feel responsible, she had been the catalyst that started it. The sad thing was, Judith and Darlene had quite a bit in common. Even if they refused to admit the possibility. They were at War, and you can't afford to get attached.

For the first week, as the murder of Jaimie Lynn vanished from the minds of the campers, Crafts became a refuge to Joan. Her time spent in crafts was a double edged sword though. While she could escape her world and begin creating Lamps, something she became obsessed with, she was also in pain. She would look up at the table of examples and feel the ache grow.

One afternoon while at Crafts Joan was touched with inspiration again. The mysterious past between Dr. Dan and Judith had been swept away and was replaced by a lamp made of all sorts of junk. Slowly Joan went over the supplies she could work with. Again she felt a connection with Adam. She noticed that the other people were not interested in the 'junk' pile. The Junk pile consisted of what you might expect to see on one of Adam's brilliant pieces of work. In the end she came out with some old electric wires, some chicken wire, an old cheese grater, some metal rod things, and various other things. The finished project looked something like this. The base of the lamp was the cheese grater, the chicken wire served as the shade, which was connected to the grater by the metal rods. Attached to the cheese grater in several small pieces of electrical wire were twisted on. Mr. Patterson had assisted with wiring the lamp so that when plugged in, it would work.

She was the first person to finish. That is the first person who were actually building stuff. Most of the people Joan saw were just goofing off. Very few people were actually trying to make anything decent. She wasn't surprised. Art had always been that subject one would take for an easy grade. Back home before her mom became the Art Teacher, it attracted the lazy type. Now only people who took art seriously or actually interested in it took the class.

Content with her lamp, she decided to check out the examples. She felt that ache deep within her. She desperately wished Adam was here. She silently scolded herself for not bringing a picture, or anything to remember him by. The closer she reached the table, the stronger the ache grew. It was as if this was her Kryptonite. The sight of so many familiar projects sent her back in time. She felt like she was in Adam's studio.

The slowly began to pick up the pieces that most reminded her of Adam. She wondered what he might think of them. Joan was never quite sure how to approach his work. She knew his work was good, she could feel it within her. She felt proud of this part of her, it only confirmed her love for Adam.

One of the works of art caught her eye. It reminded her vaguely of a statue she once destroyed. She felt her cheeks flush. Thinking back on that day always brought a great sense of dread over her. Before that day, she had been confused about her feelings towards Adam. A part of her wanted to explore a relationship with him, another just wanted to keep the friendship. When she learned Adam was planning to drop out after selling the sculpture, she knew. She loved him. She couldn't allow Adam to drop out... she tingle ran down her spine. It had been along time since she thought of that incident.

Joan picked it up. Unlike the version she smashed, which had towered over everyone, this fit neatly in the palm of her hands. The object was heavy. The items between the two used were different, yet Joan could sense that they were kin.

"It's an interesting piece," Mr. Paterson said casually. Joan jumped, she hadn't heard him come close. "Was an interesting little boy who made it too."

"It reminds me of someone I know," Joan said smiling. "I think he's the one I got my inspiration for my new lamp." Joan looked down at her feet, where her lamp was sitting.

"It was because of him you could make it." Mr. Paterson laughed, obviously remembering something from the past. "The kid had a strange thing about him. Most people thought he was stoned, but a 12 year old getting high in a place like Gentle Acres? When the other kids were looking at the art supplies, he was looking for junk. Anything was fair game to him, from old paper clips to an old Car Engine. Though how he found the engine I will never know. Claimed angels told him..."

"Sounds exactly like my boyfriend," Joan smiled, not hearing the last comment. She was only half aware of her surrounding she was remembering the first time she had met Adam. Then she was remembering the first time he saw the front lawn. His father, a rather large balding man, didn't quite understand his son's art. But he knew it was beautiful. Try and press him about why, he wouldn't find an answer. "Wait did you say angels?" Joan was fully aware now. But suddenly she felt alone. She turned around and saw that the class had ended. When was that? Joan thought.

"I took it up as more of a metaphor." Mr. Patterson smiled. But Joan was no longer paying attention. She turned the small sculpture over and could clearly see the initials AR carved into the wooden bottom.

"Ascension," Joan said aloud without knowing it. Her face had a beautiful serene smile. She slowly traced the initials with her finger.

"How did you know what that was called?" Mr. Patterson asked confused.

"What?" Joan asked startled.

"Ascension," Mr. Patterson took the piece from Joan. A flash of annoyance appeared on her face, but it was gone before he could see. "Thats the name of this piece. He said it represented his mother's ascension into heaven." Joan felt that cold grip of dread and guilt swallow her alive. She felt cold in the summer heat. The serene smile, the one Adam loved to capture in sketches, vanished. She was back at school. Back during the time of the first Art Fair. She was alone in the room. Anger clouding her mind, forcing a 'failure of imagination.' She looked at Ascension as if it were the ultimate evil. He turned around threw her knapsack towards the ground and grabbed a chair. She felt the chair rise above her head. She felt the chair collided with Ascension. When the project was obliterated, she felt Adam. Before she could see his face, she was startled back into reality.

"You should probably get going." Mr. Patterson smiled and placed Adam's sculpture on the table and left Joan standing there. She tried to think of Adam had ever spent time at Gentle Acres. Not once had he ever mentioned it. She bent down and picked up her Lamp and left the Crafts building.


	9. 9: Birth of Joanith

Author's Note: This chapter is supposed to explain how Joan and Judith had become 'Joanith' at Gentle Acres. It also reveals more about Darlene, who I hope will become part of my up coming Season 3 of Joan of Arcadia. Also it demonstrates just a bit how far the Ripples can go.

Chapter 9: The Birth of Joanith.

Joan's mind was occupied as she traveled through the Camp. Today's schedule was relaxed and there was nothing she had to do that day. So this gave her the perfect opportunity to think about Adam. She had never known he had gone to Gentle Acres. Considering his Mother's sucide, it didn't seem to far fetched. Joan's throat felt constricted as her mind wandered down the line of thought. She tried to swallow past the lump in her throat, but found it almost impossible. Losing his mother had been the hardest thing he had to ever deal with. She remembered how he looked when he pulled the letter from his jacket pocket.

Bad Ripples.

The thought struck Joan as odd. She tried hard to remember where she had heard the phrase. The matter of Adam once being at Gentle Acres had left, and was replaced with the annoying sensation of being unable to remember something, yet having it at the tip of your tongue. Even though she couldn't remember where she had learned it, perhaps it was a book she had read, she knew what it meant. She knew the concept of the Ripple Effect as if it had been encoded in her DNA.

Good Ripples were the result of events that could make a positive influence in the world. Bad Ripples were the result of events that had a negative impact on things. Murder, bullying, and suicide and many more. As she thought over this, she wondered how many people realized this? That their actions to have consequences, that can be both good and bad. Finding the solution to the reason of why she knew this proved futile and simply shrugged it off.

Joan found Judith sitting on the couch reading. Joan laughed. She could picture Judith doing a lot of things. Never did it cross her mind that she might actually like to read. Joan sat down next to Judith and tried to peek at the cover. Judith quickly covered the cover. She had her devilish grin of amusement on her face. They began to struggle over the book, making a game out of it. Both were laughing and enjoying the struggle. Finally Joan won. She silently thanked all the times she had to fight with her brothers. Judith tried grasping at the book again but Joan held the book out with one hand and Judith with the other.

The whole scene looked comically exaggerated to Darlene as she spied through the window. Despite Joan's blunder on the first day, she had garnered herself a rather popular image. After the fiasco of trying to get revenge, she had only made her image all the better. Rumors began that she had stood up to a deranged lunatic with a knife. Of course rumors were often exaggerated...

"Hamlet?" Joan asked surprised. "They give out reading assignments?" Joan slumped into the couch, fearing Dr. Dan will assign her Moby Dick. Joan shuddered. Judith relaxed in the couch after realizing her secret was out.

"Its for pleasure," Judith said awkwardly.

"Ew" Joan said giving Judith an odd look, "way to personal of info."

"Get your mind out of the gutter," Judith snapped, ripping the book from Joan's hands. Joan, realizing her mistake, blushed. "We had to read this in 8th grade and I sorta..." now it was Judith's turn to blush, "fell in love with it."

"Ew!" Joan said again. Judith just laughed.

"Now that you know my secret..." Judith began seductively, "I can't let you live!" Judith jumped at Joan and the continued their struggling match.

They were oblivious that Darlene was watching. She was doing more then watching though, far more. She had been inspired, and revenge would be hers... if only the right moment would come.

Both exhausted, they slumped against each other on the couch. Each were trying to obtain their breaths all the while laughing. They talked about what their day had been like so far. Judith, who had swimming before lunch, was talking about how the counselor and lifeguard had to come to some girls rescue. A jerk of a guy, who claimed to have been only 'teasing', had held a girl underwater to long. They both had nothing for the rest of the day, and tomorrow being group therapy, they decided that they would probably go down to the lake and enjoy the day. Judith continued reading Hamlet, while Joan had picked up a People magazine. She was only thumbing through, catching glimpses of titles and pictures.

"I just remembered, I got to go." Judith said suddenly, jumping off the couch startling Joan. Joan looked at her curiously.

"Where you going?" Joan asked.

"Oh just got things to do," She winked. She was now standing over Joan. The People Magazine completely forgotten. "Oh don't worry," Judith leaned over and kissed Joan's forehead. The kiss was awkward, she had only ever allowed Adam and her parents to kiss her forehead. "Don't worry, its not another girl." Judith gave a sly wink, and left the cabin.

Darlene had a perfect shot, and she took it. Lets see them try and pick on me again, she thought. Silently she crept away from the Cabin, careful not to be seen by Judith as she left. Darlene may have been the small mousy girl on the outside, but she was an expert when it came to computers and all things technology.

In fact her hair pulling was the result of a rivalry on the Internet. While hanging out on a rather popular hackers site, she came across another master hacker of sorts. He was bragging about accessing some rich popular girls computer. At first Darlene was unimpressed, it wasn't exactly hard. To brag about such a small hack on this website, was only begging to be slammed. Which is what he wanted. This hacker made it appear he was just some amateur, when in fact he was already working his way through most of the communities files. Darlene's own computer was almost compromised, but there was a flaw in the Virus that was used, which she unleashed it onto the hacker. She was only managed to get one name: Friedman. Since then they have had a love-hate relationship, which resulted in her habit of pulling hair in frustration, and soon just absently.

So when Darlene arrived at Gentle Acre's main office. She easily used her skills to gain access to all of the campers profiles and contact info. She quickly figured out who would be best to spread the picture. When that was done, she uploaded the picture onto the server and from here, sent the picture to several people. She quickly ran a virus she had created to destroy any traces. It would be as if the computer had done it all on its own...

All around the camp, while Joan was taking an afternoon nap on the couch, the picture was spreading like wild fire. It doesn't matter what really happened in the photo, it was what Darlene had made it out to be. In the text she labeled the picture 'Gentle Acres Residential Dykes!'

Joan was awakened by Judith's impressive line of cuss words as she stormed into the cabin. Joan wasn't even sure if Judith was even speaking English anymore. Joan wiped the sand from her eyes, and studied Judith as she paced back and forth, still more cursing flew from her mouth.

"That bitch," Judith said dropping onto the couch. "That webbed feet, bald, bitch!" Judith covered her face with a pillow and screamed.

"Whats wrong?" Joan asked, placing a hand on her shoulder. Judith shrugged the hand off. She stood up, sat down, and then gave Joan a look she would never forget.

"You know how I left so abruptly?" Judith asked. Joan nodded, "well I was meeting a guy."

"Is he cute?" Joan asked.

"Gorgeous!" Judith swooned, "you see we were down by the lake and we were... we were well making out."

"Wow that bitch," Joan teased.

"haha," Judith groaned. "Well some bimbo came down and told him I had herpes."

"Ew!" Joan said, moving slightly away from Judith.

"It's not true." said Judith, placing her face into her hands. "Now the whole camp is going to think I have herpes."

'That sucks," Joan said. Judith's cell phone began to vibrate. Judith slowly flipped open the silver cellphone. She had an amused smile as she turned to Joan.

"It doesn't matter." Judith said. Joan raised an eyebrow, but remained silent. Taking the hint, Judith spoke, "apparently I have a girlfriend."

"So your?" Joan asked. She thought back on Grace. She never did find out whether or not she was gay. She shrugged. "Whose the lucky girl?"

"You," Judith, despite looking like she could break any moment, sounded matter of fact. She tipped her cellphone so that Joan could see. There was a perfect picture of Joan sitting on the couch while Judith was bent over giving her a friendly kiss on the forehead. Written below read GENTLE ACRE DYKES!

"Not again," Joan groaned she felt her gut plummet.

"Again?" asked Judith, her amused expression turned curious.

"You know how I told you about Grace?" Joan said.

"The Rebel With A Thousand Causes?" said Judith. .

"Yeah. Well she is kinda has the image of a lesbian." Joan shoved the image on the cellphone away from her. "When we became friends the rumors spread that we were lovers or something." Now Judith was laughing, obviously enjoying Joan's discomfort.

"At least we would make a cute couple," Judith took her cellphone and began shaking it in front of Joan, who simply groaned.

It took awhile before Judith could convince Joan to leave the cabin. Where ever they went people would laugh, throw insults, or whistle. Joan tried to ignore them, but she kept seeing that stupid picture in her mind. It was a stupid innocent act, but that didn't matter. People saw what they wanted to see. She also couldn't help remember seeing another picture in her mind. The picture was her in her underpants. She shuddered. Judith wrapped her arm around Joan's waist and smiled.

"Oh JoJo, you got to get beyond it." She said soothingly, "I mean if we are going to be a couple we might as well get used to the attention." Joan squirmed trying to break free. Judith sighed and let go. "You shouldn't care what they think, to hell with them." Judith continued to smile brightly.

"Yeah I know its just..." Joan couldn't think of how to explain it. They were now walking along the lakes shore.

"Well?" asked Judith. Joan shrugged, and Judith left it alone. They continued to stroll around the lake when they came across a couple. The guy was tall and muscular with dark hair. The girl only came up to the guy's shoulders, had strawberry blonde hair and an expression of pure hate.

"You aware your girlfriend has Herpes?" The Girl, whose name was Stacy, said enjoying the annoyance in Judith's face.

"Haha," Joan said.

"You went from Jasonith to Joanith? Thats a bit of a step down, dontcha think?" Stacy said with joy, hoping her tease would infuriate Judith. Instead, Judith simply smiled.

"Hey thats kinda catchy, what do you think sweetheart." Judith wrapped her arm around Joan again, and this time she allowed it.

"Sounds fabulous," Joan said, joining in on the ruse. On pure impulse, Joan pecked Judith on the cheek.

"Crap," The guy said sounding disappointed. Stacy jabbed him in the side with her elbow.

"You missed out thats for sure," Judith said. Then they both walked away laughing.

Joan and Judith were uncertain how that nickname spread, but soon whenever they were seen together they were being referred to as 'Joanith.' Joan got the vibe that a lot of it was used as an attempt to insult them or to embarrass them. For once Joan was happy she had Lyme Disease. She had done some very embarrassing things, and this small rumor would be hard pressed to bring her down. Especially when she had such a great friend as Judith.

Author's Note: For some reason I couldn't get the ending of this chapter just right. It feels like something is off. So if you have any opinions on it, please express them. Maybe I am seeing something thats not there.


	10. 10: Coming out?

Author's Note: I was inspired by CharlesTheBold and Chapter 10 grew too big for just one chapter. So keep in mind what Goth Kid tells Joan. I say Goth Kid instead of Goth Kid God simply because she still doesn't know who he is lol. Anyways, enjoy.

Chapter 10: Coming... out?

Life after the scandalous picture of Joanith was more or less the same for Joan, and something told her it wasn't far from different for Judith. Joan had become somewhat accustomed to being the outsider, and she possessed no thoughts of being popular at a place for Crazy people. After Joan's impulse kiss, there was no way of trying to nip it in the butt.

It had been two weeks since Joan had arrived at Gentle Acres. Her sessions with Dr. Dan proved to be the same After she learned Adam had attended Gentle Acres sometime in the past, she looked forward to coming to Crafts. That ache seemed to lay dormant, as she knew that Adam's pieces of art could sooth the pain. She still terribly missed him and when she could she would write letters. She kept his attendance at Gentle Acres to herself. If he wanted to share something as personal as this, he would in his own time. She continued to make Lamps in the fashion that Adam would approve of.

Judith, although had no actual proof, had been convinced Darlene had taken the picture. The tension in the cabin only grew. For the most part all confrontations were verbal and brief. But Joan just wished it would stop, there was no point in it. What happened happened.

"Mind if I sit down?" A voice said, Joan was sitting alone on a bench under a giant Oak Tree. The voice sounded familiar, it sounded emotionless. Joan looked up to see the Goth Kid. Something about his face looked different. She had seen the kid from time to time.

"Sure," Joan said, scooting over to make more room on the bench. "I'm sorry, but do I know you?" He smiled slightly. Joan thought it was probably illegal to smile to big.

"You're the Joan of Joanith," He said casually as he sat down.

"I'm not..." Joan began to defend her sexuality but was unsure why.

"Oh I know," he said in that emotionless voice, "I know better then to listen to what is being mass spammed via text."

"So you're name is?" Joan asked changing the subject. He gave a small smile, but otherwise ignored the question. "Alright... I think I should be going." Joan stood up. Her arm was caught by the Goth Kid.

"You don't need to be anywhere for another half hour." The Goth Kid said. "I was wondering if you could do me a favor."

"Look, I don't know what your deal is," said Joan, "but my dad's a cop."

"I know," he said, an amused glint sparkled in his otherwise lifeless eyes. "I want you to stay close to the cabin tonight, there is going to be a storm." Joan looked up at the sky, it was cloudless. "I know what your thinking," Joan shivered, a sense of Deja vu crept down her spine. "Its cloudless, how could there be a storm? Well nature is unpredictable. Just as someone who is seeking revenge." The Goth Kid stood up and began to walk away. For a slight moment, Joan was expecting him to wave. Instead he turned around as if he forgot something. "Oh, make sure Judith and Darlene stay at the Cabin tonight as well. Especially Judith..." He turned around and walked away. If Joan had continued to watch, she would have seen the trademark wave. A feeling, perhaps instincts, told her to follow his advice. If anything she would look embarrassed, but what if?

Joan looked down at her watch. Time for another rousing session with Dr. Dan, Joan thought bitterly. When she arrived at his office, Joan was surprised to see her Parents standing outside his office. She hadn't really spoken to either of them in over a week. She had seen her dad around the Camp, still trying to gather insight into Travis's character.

"What are you doing here?" Joan asked. She quickly looked around, hoping no one could see that her parents were here. She could let her dad slide, he had a good reason to be here, but mom?

"Beats me. Dr. Dan said we should talk." Will said. His voice was irritated. He disliked therapists of any kind, so if it was something bad at least she had someone on her side.

"You didn't do anything stupid did you?" Helen half joked. Joan couldn't remember half the times she ended up in Price's office.

"Hello Mr. And Mrs. Girardi, Joan," Dr. Dan said opening his door. The Girardi's slowly stepped into the office. Joan felt cramped in the small office. "Part of being at Gentle Acres is resolving issues. Now as much as I despise what is happening to young teens in Joan's situation" He made a small hand gesture towards Joan."It is why I think it is my obligation to ease some of your pain Joan." Joan couldn't help notice a certain glint of triumph in Dr. Dan's eyes.

"Thats why she is here," Will said.

"Yes exactly. But it has recently come to my attention that Judith and Joan," Dr. Dan said. Joan could feel her stomach sink. She suddenly felt sick, "are a couple."

"Judith, one of the girls you bunk with?" Will asked. Joan suddenly despised Dr. Dan with all her heart. Before Joan could reply though, her mother spoke up.

"Wait, were you and Grace..?" Helen said. Even before Adam and Joan got together, she had assumed her daughter was with Adam or wanted him. At first she thought that the reason she became defensive about her love life was because she was her mother. But could it really have been... how could you not know this about your daughter, Helen wondered.

"Me and Judith are not together!" Joan shouted. "We are just friends, thats all. Just like me and Grace."

"I know coming out can be kind of tough," Dr Dan said soothingly. Joan couldn't help but notice the triumphant sound in his voice. "Especially when a photo has forced it."

"What photo?" Will asked, sounding like a cop.

"Some peeping tom had taken a picture of your daughter and Judith kissing." Dr. Dan explained. "Such private moments should be kept, well private."

"It was on the forehead!" Joan protested, "a stupid kiss on the forehead. The kind a grandma would give her granddaughter. It was only once!" Joan looked at her parents for support, but they were still a bit shocked.

"If it was once, why is it reported that you two kissed on the Lake that very same evening?" Dr. Dan said. Joan groaned, she remembered now. But it had been part of an act, thats all.

"I'm with Adam, my boyfriend," said Joan emphasized the word boyfriend, "I love him, and he loves me."

"Sometimes people like you," Dr Dan again gestured towards Joan. Joan wanted to rip his arm off. "try and find relationships with the opposite gender to try and prove their sexuality."

"My what!?" Joan blurted. Joan's breathing became shallow, she simply couldn't believe this was happening.

"Now here at Gentle Acres we have no problem with people being together and finding love." said Dr. Dan. "But it's important that they do not share the same Cabins. If they want to continue their relationship, they need to follow the rules. Which I am sad to say is, difficult." Dr. Dan sat back in his chair, a smug look on his face.

"But I am not gay! I am not with Judith, I was never with Grace," Joan shot her mom a venomous look, "I'm straight and I love Adam who is like a million miles away!" Joan was standing up, her chest heaving. "I don't want to move to a different Cabin, everyone else hates me." It wasn't the exact truth.  
"Alright." Will said joining her daughter. "I believe her. She is my daughter and she wouldn't lie to me about this." The smug look on Dr. Dan's face was replaced by annoyance. Helen stood up, and linked her arm with Will's.

"Why do you want to split me and Judith up anyways?" Joan demanded.

"I just want the best environment for you, and I do not think its with the likes of Judith Montgomery." said Dr. Dan rather casually. "The person in charge of boarding refuses to change his mind. Unless I can get your consent or your parents."

"You wont get it from me thats for sure," Will said. Joan wondered whether or not he was doing it for her, or simply to defy a shrink. "I trust my daughter, and if she thinks staying in a Cabin with Judith then I see no reason to move her."

"You are aware of her record, right?" His voice faltered, he had lost.

"I am a detective, I am aware of her past," Will replied with his Cop voice. "I would appreciate if you would keep these rumors to yourself. I have seen what falsely being accused of being Gay can lead to." Will thought back bitterly to a case involving a Priest who had been accused of being gay and molesting a young man. Helen simply nodded, but Joan could see clearly she wanted to shout and argue. Joan could remember the many times she had defended her from Price.

"I am sorry for the..." Dr. Dan paused, and turned his look at Joan, "Sorry for putting you into this position. I was merely trying to help you come out to your parents in a friendly situation." Dr. Dan said, but Joan doubted this. Whatever his problem was, this was just another way of solving it.

"Before I go, can I ask you who the person is charge of boarding? I want to thank him." Will asked, enjoying the sight of Dr. Dan's face. Joan hadn't realized how far her father's dislike for psychologists went.

"His name is, well" Dr. Dan looked frustrated, "Actually I don't know his name. But he is a rather large Italian fellow. Looks like he could apart of the Mafia or something." Joan remembered seeing a person like that wander in the Book Store from time to time. If they were the same person and if she still has her job, she will have to give him a discount. When they left the office, her session would have to be put off for awhile to let the tension ease up, Joan felt better.

"I have to ask," Will said placing his hand on his daughter's shoulders. "Are you and Judith... well you know."

"Mom!" Joan shouted.

"What your dad is trying to say." She paused to give him a 'how can you be that tactless' look and turned to Joan. "What he means to say is that, you can tell us anything." Helen kissed her daughters forehead. Will just stood silent.

"I have to get back to work," Will said after awhile. They were walking towards the Gentle Acre's parking lot.

"Hey, has he been..." Joan didn't want to ask, but felt compelled, "was Travis ever caught?" Will paused and studied his daughter for a moment. He sighed and decided he should be honest.

"There hasn't been a sign of him since that night." Will pulled out his cellphone, "the trail went cold rather fast. Theres a theory that he didn't even leave this area." Will dialed a number, "excuse me I got to make a call." He sounded distant, as if he was simply giving a report.

"I am sure he is somewhere in Mexico," Helen said after seeing her daughter's pained expression.

They said their good byes and Joan watched her parents drive away back to the world of the sane.

Author's Note: If you were wondering, the guy Dr. Dan describes as the Head of Boarding(or whatever his title was, well the guy who doesn't want to change the housing around) is actually Tough Guy God. I am unsure if this incarnation was in Season 1. He is the large guy who often goes to the book store looking for a book or poetry. If he wasn't in Season 1. Then I guess its a good idea I didn't have Joan have an familiar feelings about him(the same feeling she feels when she sees Cute Boy God and Goth Kid God) but instead Joan just recognizes him(or his description) as merely a customer.


	11. The Storm

Chapter 11: The Storm

Joan disliked group therapy sessions. They had them every couple of days. For the most part, they sat around in a large circle and discuss their feelings. Often times, the counselor in charge would have general questions about their life at Gentle Acres.

"Alright, today we are going to discuss some important events you have experienced why at Gentle Acres!" A middle aged dark haired women chimed pleasantly. Joan groaned.

"I would like to share," Judith said. Everyone looked towards the door where Judith was standing.

"What is it you need Judith?" The Counselor said.

"Well Counselor Betty, I have been transferred to this little get together." She walked towards the Counselor, handed her a slip of paper and sat down next to Joan.

"Very well, what is it you like to share?" Betty asked.

"I have found a great friend," Judith placed her arm around Joan. Joan felt uncomfortable with all the eyes focused on them. She could hear distantly someone cough 'queer.'

"Very good, anyone else like to share?" Betty looked around the group. They were all sitting in a large circle on the floor, much to Joan's butt's displeasure. The room was silent, except for the small talk Joan and Judith were sharing a private joke. A boy raised his hand and began to comically wave it around.

"Yes Gaven?" Betty pointed towards the boy.

"I got laid!" He shouted. The room burst out into laughter. But Joan noticed a girl on his left. She had the potential to be gorgeous. She was tall, slim, and wavy black hair. She had a pained expression, and at the mention of sex she cringed.  
"I... was attacked." A girl cried out. Joan saw Judith's eyes grow wide.

"Attacked, what do you mean Isabella?" Betty took on a very serious tone, much different then the friendly casual one she had been using. Joan looked to where the voice came from. Joan easily found her, it was the same girl sitting next to Gaven. She was crying and her body was violently shaking, as if she were standing in Antarctica. Tears were running down her face.

"I was..." she looked down in her lap, "I... I was... rapped." She let out a wail, as if the very word had stabbed her. Joan remembered clearly of how her mother looked when she told her own story. She knew something had happened to her, thinking back she was unsure how she knew, something evil. The fear in her mothers eyes, the way her normally steady voice was shaky. In fact... it was the same look she now saw in Judith's eyes.

"Everyone you are excused." Betty called and began shooing us away, all except for that girl. Judith was the first out of the room, running off. The sight of her strong willed friend in terror sent chills down her spine. Joan, unsure why, hung around the Group Therapy building. After awhile, she realized it was pointless, she decided to find Judith.

Joan found Judith several moments later. She was sitting on the same bench under the giant oak tree. Joan quietly approached her. She hunched over, her arms against her body as if she were sick. When Joan sat down, she jumped. Joan could see she had been crying, or at the very least was about to. Judith took a deep inhale, followed by a slow exhale. She then wiped her eyes clear, and tried to put on a strong smile. Joan, unsure how to respond, just smiled back.

"So looks like we..." Joan paused realizing what she was going to say next. Whatever happened in the group therapy she thought it was best to avoid the subject all together. "I hear its about to storm." Joan blurted remembering her talk with that Goth Kid from earlier. Judith looked at her with a puzzled look, and glanced at the sky. "I know what your thinking. But I also hear nature can be unpredictable." Joan decided to keep the other part of it a secret. "So I think we should stay in the Cabin, steal some ice cream from the counselors personal fridge and..." Joan smiled weakly.

"Yeah... alright." Judith said. Whatever had gotten into her, it appeared to have passed.

When sat there under the Oak Tree for a few more moments, and left for the Cabin. When they arrived at the cabin, the news of Isabella's alleged rape had spread quickly. Just as Joanith had been the subject of rumors, and Jamie Lynn's murder had been before that. It sickened Joan to think that people could treat such subjects as rumors. The walk to the cabin was silent, except for the whimpering of Judith. Joan felt cold, the kind that clings to your bones and refuses to leave.

They found Darlene sitting on the couch reading People. When she noticed Joan and Judith she got up and made her way towards the door. On impulse, Joan seized Darlene's arm. Darlene whirled around, her face scrunched in anger. Joan wanted to let go, but she remembered what the Goth Kid had said that both Darlene and Judith had to stay at the Cabin.

"You don't have to go," Joan said, "I mean if you don't want to leave." Joan glanced at Judith who looked like she had been betrayed. "Look. We all know that there has been unneeded tension in this house. Maybe we could... well start over?" Joan offered weakly.

"Only if she admits to sending those pics." Judith said. Darlene looked from Judith to Joan, and back to Judith.

"Maybe..." Darlene said.

"Ha! I knew it." Judith said excitedly. She then turned to Joan and announced, "you owe me a dollar."

"That... that's it?" Joan asked baffled.

"I don't even remember why we are fighting." Judith shrugged. Joan felt relieved. Well one thing came out of listening to that Goth Kid, Joan thought.

All three girls decided to sneak into the counselors private fridge. When they returned they were good friends. It turned out they had a great deal in common. When they finally sat down around the couch, happily scooping into some chocolate ice cream, it began to rain. Joan paused for a moment. So it was raining, Joan thought, it doesn't mean anything. So they continued to talk, eat, and laugh. But something was different about Judith. Her eyes revealed fear.

The first flash of lightning startled them all, all three screaming in surprise. A few seconds later the thunder's sound rattled the building, its very sound deafening the world to all sound except its mighty roar. Joan looked at Judith who was slowly losing it. She was holding herself, face down casted, tears dripping from her face. Joan stood up, and the world of light ceased. They had been casted in a world devoid of light, except for the flashes of lightning. The rain slowly began to increase in intensity. Darlene was whimpering loudly, Joan just stood there, and Judith had made a run for Darlene's bed.

Joan was allowed a few images of her friends from the lightning. Thunder continued to explode around them. She felt paralyzed, unsure of what to do.

Then, as if being manipulated like a marionette, she slowly walked towards Judith. Several times she stubbed her toe on something, each time cursing. When she reached Darlene's bed, Judith sobbing audibly even during the assault on their ears, on her bed. She was curled in a ball facing the wall. Joan reached out to put a comforting hand on her shoulder. But that only made things worse. She screamed as she jerked away. Judith looked at Joan, her eyes wild with fear and anger.

"Judith?" Her voice was silenced by the thunder. Judith looked like a frightened child.

There was a loud knocking on the door. Darlene made her way towards the door to answer it. Joan wanted to tell her to stop, but it was to late. Dr. Dan was standing at the entrance. He was drenched from head too toe, and that look of triumph on his face and sparkle in his eyes dominated his features.

"When I heard the thunder," Dr. Dan said, "well I knew Judith's fear of storms and I thought I could help her through it." Joan nodded, it made sense. But something was nagging at the back of her mind. Something didn't make sense, but she couldn't piece it together. Joan was standing at the door, when he explained this and when she turned around to lead Dr. Dan to Judith. She was standing up, she looked crazed.

"Get him away!" Judith demanded. Then she pleaded, "please JoJo? Get him away?" The last word never reached their ears as thunder rumbled. Dr. Dan took the initiative and pushed his way past Joan towards Judith. Joan could see her try and back away, but Dr. Dan had grabbed her arm. She struggled against him and then they stood frozen. Joan wanted to rush to her friends aid. Dr. Dan was whispering something into Judith's ear. Joan strained her ears to try and listen, except she couldn't. The thunder only made her deaf. Judith broke free and raced past Joan and Darlene and out the door.

Next time I see that Goth Kid... Joan thought...


	12. A Time to Remember

Author's Note: When Goth Kid says its 'time to remember' its a reference to a OneShot based on the moment Cute Boy God touches Joan's forehead in the Season Finale. The story is called Desolation.

Chapter 12: A Time To Remember.

Joan stared out the door, she could almost feel Dr. Dan's triumphant mood seep through her skin. She shivered. Darlene looked confused and nervous, she too sensed something was wrong. As Joan stared outside, where Judith had ran past moments before, she could see the rain attacking the world. She wanted to scream, to smash something, but most importantly she wanted her body to obey her demands. The demands her mind was screaming at her limbs, to go after her.

Dr. Dan walked up behind Joan and placed his soaking wet hand on her shoulder. She could feel the water being absorbed through her shirt. Slowly, he began to rub her shoulder sympathetically, "I am sure she will be fine..." He said. Joan turned around, hoping that his face would be sad. That it showed his remorse for allowing Judith to run like that. Anything other then what she saw. She had known Dr. Dan for only a brief time. In that time, she had divulged some of her darkest secrets. Now, his face was that of a stranger. He was smiling...

Her body obeyed her now and she ran. She felt the rain pound on her skin, and over the forest she could see bolts of lighting tear the sky apart. She felt the thunder wash past her. At first she stood out side of the cabin in almost in awe. Nature was not a force to take lightly. When she snapped out Partly ignoring Darlene's cries for her to comeback, and partly because she couldn't hear them. But she knew what she was shouting, but she refused and began to run.

She struggled to see through the rain. She caught a glimpse of a girl, Judith no doubt, running into the forest. The grassy field that separated the Cabins and the forest was slick and several times Joan had fallen. Each time she rose back up, mud clinging to her clothing and bare legs, and forced herself to continue. She felt her heart beat, but its frantic beating was silenced by the thunder's.

The Forest was tougher and she fell several more times. Later she would discover her shins and the palms of her hands were shredded. For now, her wounds bled unnoticed. Her attention and adrenaline blocked the pain. Her safety no longer mattered to her, Judith's did.

Joan found herself lost shortly after entering the forest, or had it been hours? Time meant nothing in her state. An inner arcane feeling drove her beyond her limits. But that inner drive proved useless as she stood surrounded by trees, rain soaking her bones, and the terrible sight of lightning streak across the sky. She screamed Judith's name, hoping someone would hear her, anyone.

"Joan," A voice whispered. Joan turned around startled and fell on her bottom. Standing behind her was that Goth Kid. Anger, the prince of obliteration, swelled within Joan's small body. She struggled to her feet, and slowly approached the Goth Kid. Joan had rarely gotten physical during fights, but she wasn't in control, anger was. She grabbed the Goth Kid's jacket and began shaking him. She would look back on this later and feel embarrassed. She began screaming at the kid, asking why he wanted Judith at the Cabin. Why hadn't he warned her that Judith was scared of storms. She wanted answers, and somehow she knew he held them all. "Turn around." He said in that casually emotionless voice. She did. She caught a glimpse of Judith rising from the ground. Forgetting what she was doing she tried to run for her. But she tripped on a outcropping root. She cursed fiercely. When she rose, Judith was on the move.

As she traveled deeper into the forest, almost surprised how far it actually went, she found herself lost time and time again. The Goth Kid would appear, and the Prince of Obliteration took control. The Goth Kid, his normally spiked hair drenched along with the rest of him, would simple point his finger or tell her to look behind her. Sure enough she would find Judith running.

The chase ended abruptly as the Goth Kid appeared, his hand outstretched to warn her to stop. She did. Joan slowly approached the Goth Kid, and he was standing dangerously close to a ledge. Joan wanted to tell him to back away from there, but she didn't. She was to wrapped up in the realization she would have died. She slowly approached, and looked over the edge. A creek, perhaps thirty feet across normally had swelled in the storm. Its current racing towards the sea or some other body of water.

"Who are you?" Joan demanded.

"You know who I am," he said.

"No, I don't!" said Joan growing frustrated.

"You have a feeling Joan," He said, "What does that feeling tell you? I think it's time for you to remember." Joan stepped back, trying to decipher what he meant. She searched herself, and she searched the motivation behind her chase for Judith. The rain slowly let up, and the lightning ceased with one last grand roar. The sky began to grow lighter. Instead of the black storm clouds that had dominated the sky, she saw grey. "Remember Joan," He turned to his left, and walked away giving his trademark wave.

She knew...

Something within her unlocked and memories that were once fogged and blurred became clear and crisp. She swayed on her feet for a moment. She remembered the dreams, and wondered how she could ever forget them? She took a deep inhale and looked to where Goth Kid God was walking towards. About a hundred yards Joan could see Judith standing on a destroyed bridge. What remained of the bridge wasn't much. Most of it had been rotted away, only about two feet of the walkway remained on either side. Below where the bridge had been the water raced past.

"Judith!" Joan shouted, running towards her. Judith turned around, her soaked hair forming a halo around her face. The fear she had seen in her face was gone. She looked calm and resigned.

"Please..." Judith pleaded.

"Judith, you don't want to do this," Joan said, stepping closer towards her.

"Please?" her voice was sad. "I just want to..." Judith turned her back on Joan and looked down at the creek. "Please JoJo?" She turned back to Joan, she had a weak smile. Hot tears began to well in Joan's face. "It was my fault, I shouldn't have done it." She took a step closer towards the edge, and Joan's heart plummeted. She suddenly felt nauseous.  
"Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault." Joan said, "Come, we can go back to the cabin and finish the ice cream?" At the mention of the cabin, Judith's eyes went wild for a second.

"Jo.. Jo." Her voice was slow and calm. "I just want to die. Why can't I? I have been standing here for hours."

"No, you have only been there for a few moments." Joan said, but suddenly she wasn't sure. "You can't die, because... because you still need to teach me how to dive off the High Dive!" Joan said. She remembered the night she revealed her fear of the high dive to Joan. It had been after Judith had explained how the one thing about school she liked was the Swim team.

"We could do it now..." Judith walked out towards the end of what remained of the walkway bridge.

"No!" shouted Joan, wishing her feet would move.

"JoJo, I am not afraid." Judith said, "I.. am just tired of living. Can't you see that? Why can't I do it?" Joan could hear her sobbing.

"But what about Joanith?" Joan asked, "we still have far much to do." Judith turned around, tears streaked her cheeks but she was smiling. That was a good thing, right? Joan's feet finally caved, and she was able to finally move. Slowly she approached.

"Joan," Judith said, savoring the name. "It was my fault, I shouldn't have led him on. I need to die."

"What's your fault Judith?" Joan asked, "Maybe I can help you deal with your problem."

"It was my fault he is suffering," Judith said, ignoring Joan completely. "I blamed him, but it wasn't his fault. It was mine, I should never have been a tease. Please JoJo, let me die?"

"Tell me what happened first." Joan said.

"Last year... I was..." Judith began slowly, even slower then she was now. "There was a terrible storm that night. I was always flirting with him. I intentionally wore my Gentle Acres uniform in provocative ways. And he..." Judith stepped closer towards the edge. "He... raped me." Judith was sobbing hard now. Joan could remember clearly how Cute Boy God had told her that something evil happened to her mother. It shocked her how that detail could have slipped away. Evil was a word God very rarely used. Joan remembered the conversation with her Mother about what happened to her. Judith interrupted her thoughts, "I blamed him, but I am to blame. I provoked it! I misled him and... now he is suffering."

"Judith! Its not your fault. It was never your fault, whoever did this evil act," Joan couldn't bear to say the word, "its their fault. They have no right to feel guilty." Judith turned around, she looked confused.  
"But..." Judith said.

"No buts, its not your fault. If you... if you jump he wins. My mother was..." Joan hated to reveal her mothers darkest secret. Not without her permission. But it was the only option left, "it happened one night at Art School. She was scared for years, unable to allow anyone to touch her." Joan despised this memory, but she knew she had to carry it as a reminder, "But look at her now. She is a art teacher, married to one of the greatest guys ever, and has a loving family."

"but..."

"No butts." Joan said firmly, "you can get through this. I will help you."

Judith slowly walked away from the edge and back onto solid ground. She collapsed and she began to cry even harder. Joan walked over her, and fell to the ground had wrapped her arms around her friend. After sometime later, they stood up, and walked through the forest back to the Camp. Joan hadn't the slightest idea where they were. But every once in awhile she would see Goth Kid God, completely dry, appear from behind a tree, walk a ways, and disappear behind another tree.


	13. To Be Cleansed

Chapter 13: To be Cleansed

When they arrived at the Cabin no one was there. Joan led Judith to the couch and then went to find some dry clothes. Joan wasn't sure what to do, her instincts told her to tell her father, he would know what to do. She then thought to her mother, someone who could really help Judith now. When she returned with the clothing Judith looked up at Joan, her lips quivering. Joan put on a 'it will be arlight' smile, but she wondered if it would be.

"Please don't tell anyone?" Judith whispered. Joan's smile faltered. Was this the right thing to do?

"Don't worry, I wont." Joan said, "Come lets get you out of those clothes." She helped Judith out of her clothing. When she realized Judith was naked in front of her, Joan blushed. Joan had never been very comfortable with her body, Adam told her she was beautiful. Judith quickly dressed and sank into the couch. Joan then went to find clothes for her. It took Joan awhile before she could gather the strength to undress in front of Judith. She felt foolish because of this.

They sat like that for God only knows how long. Joan had never had to deal with a situation like this. It was beyond her ability to even begin to understand what it must feel like. She quickly reached the conclusion that no one could understand, not until it was to late. The silence was disturbed when Judith finally spoke, and something in Joan wished she hadn't.

"It was thundering..." Judith said slowly. "I was with him, and I... he always had his eye on me. I would often catch him eyeing my body. I would," Judith paused, wiping the tears from her eyes, for a moment, "He just forced himself on me. He kept telling me how I wanted it." The rest of the story came in short segments. For long periods of time she would stop and each time Joan wanted it to be the end. Why did she have to hear this? Never would she admit it, but she wished Judith would just shut up. She found this anger frightening. But it was true, as much as she loved Judith. As much as she wanted to be there for her in this time. She hated her for telling her story. But the story continued. Joan kept trying to reassure her that it was over. That she had nothing to be ashamed of. That she was stronger then her rapist. What Joan was telling her began to sink in. Judith began to reclaim her body and mind.

There was a loud knocking on the door. It scared Judith, who was still very much in the moment of her attack, and it bugged Joan. When she opened the door an elderly women with fluffy blondish hair. Wrinkles of experience and crows feet etched into her soft skin. Her expression was pained, but her eyes were loving and full of life. For the first time in a long time, she recognized her. Joan had seen this old lady around the Camp. Usually helping out in the First Aid Building. Now, Joan knew her more then just as a nurse.

"What do you want," Joan said annoyed. For some reason the way she had said those words felt natural.

"Nice to see you too Joan," her eyes twinkled. "Would you mind walking me to the First Aid building?" Joan looked over her shoulder to Judith. "She will be asleep, something she desperately needs." Joan let out a groan.

"Fine." Joan said. They walked in silence for several moments. Joan was seething with anger, she had many questions. But she couldn't phrase them just right. The pained expression remained on Old Lady God's face and it infuriated Joan. "How could you let this happen?"

"Evil..." She said, the word lingered between them for a moment and vanished. "I hate using that word, and when I use it you should be weary. I didn't let anything happen Joan. You know better then this. I create good Ripples. What people do with Free Will is up to them." Joan stopped walking and let out a bewildered laugh.

"It wasn't Judith's choice to be rapped!" Joan shouted. "where was her free will?" Old Lady God simply kept on walking forcing Joan to jog to catch up.

"Do not worry, this place had been evacuated." She said casually, ignoring the question.

"Evacuated, but why?" Joan asked temporarily forgetting it. She cringed whens he realized she had shouted out Judith's secret.

"Tornado Warning." God said, "Nature can be quite unpredictable." Joan was amazed, what if there had been a Tornado? She felt a chill sweep through her. "There is something about after a storm I just love."

"Is this going anywhere?" Joan asked, her annoyance quickly returning. "Because I have no time for games."

"Thunderstorms have a way of cleansing," Old Lady God said skipping over a puddle and giving a small grunt, "Thunderstorms are fierce and powerful. A force not to take lightly. Yet this thing that so many people fear, and can cause a lot of damage, also helps us. Today Judith went through a cleansing."

"A cleansing?" Joan asked, trying to dodge the many puddles. "I don't follow."

"Before last night," God said. Joan was surprised, had they been out that long? "Judith was at war with herself. She was losing. On the outside she appeared fine, but inside." God touched her breast, "she was anything but. A part of her wanted to blame her rapist. While the other was convinced it was her fault. Yesterday something tipped the balance."

"Whatever tipped the balance, you caused it." Joan accused. God looked at her, and she smiled.

"No. whether or not I told you to keep Judith at the Cabin, she was going to end up on the edge." She explained, "When that war became unbalanced, I wanted her around friends, particularly you." They walked for several moments in silence. Joan was absorbing what she was hearing.

"What happens next?" Joan asked as they reached the First Aid building.

"The ripples are spreading as we speak," she smiled, "they are some of the finest ripples you have ever created and I should know. It's to bad Desolation hasn't ended..."

"Desolation?" Joan asked confused. God looked at her continuing to smile.

"In time, it will end." She entered the building and before she closed the door gave Joan her trademark wave.

Judith awoke moments after Joan and the stranger left. For the first time in a long time she felt clean. A burden of sorts had been lifted and she felt happy. She slowly stood up and stretched out feeling refreshed. The memories of that night... what Dr. Dan did to her still haunted her mind. Yet she knew she no longer faced that danger alone. Not when she had her JoJo. She considered going to bed, it would feel nice to be able to sleep without fear. But something was itching her mind. A picture of Joan and Dr. Dan flashed through her mind. A chill violently swept through her limbs.

Could she have been that blind?

Judith thought back on every time she had seen Dr. Dan with Joan. She had made sure to keep out of sight when he neared, but she couldn't help but look. She had seen the way she had looked at Joan. No, it couldn't be. She had been so wrapped up in own problems she didn't...

She slowly slipped out of the Cabin and when she noticed Joan or the stranger was no where in sight, she quickly ran for Dr. Dan's office. She wasted no time knocking on the door, so she found him sitting behind his desk. He had that stupid smug smile.

"I won't allow it." Judith said. Dr. Dan was startled to see Judith standing before her. He had thought he had finally eliminated her.

"Judith!" He said, trying to sound happy to see her. "After you ran off I thought the worst..."

"Cut the Bullshit." Judith shouted. There was a part of her that wanted to run away. Even now, and perhaps until her death, Judith would always fear this man. But something beyond fear drove her. It was love and friendship. Joan had run blindly into the forest after her. Had been able to talk her out of the biggest mistake ever, allowing this scum to win. She possessed no romantic feelings for Joan. This was Love at its purest form, a connection that was unbreakable. A connection between two people whose destiny intertwines with. No matter where life took them, she knew that Love would guide them together. This Love was not about sex, not about romance. It was a feeling so few people understood. "I know what you are thinking... and if I think you as so much touch her I will tell." Judith bit her lip, wondering if she could summon the courage to finally make that step. Dr. Dan's eyebrows knit together in anger.

"Who would believe you?" Dr. Dan said.

"Joan does." Judith said smugly, it was her turn to be the dominate. "She knows everything." Judith hoped he couldn't tell she was lying. The truth was that Joan only knew she was raped, but not by who. Dr Dan slowly began to walk towards Judith. She fell back a step. He scared her to death indeed.

"You can't have her," Judith said. "I won't allow it." Judith felt the tears slowly return to her face. Dr. Dan turned around and slumped in his chair.

Judith left his office. She finally did it. She was able to stand up to her rapist. She was able to walk away from that office with a true sense of Cleansing.

Author's Note: It might be confusing. But I believe the Love Joan and Judith share is purely platonic. They share a connection that goes beyond this. Many elements in this story seem to suggest a Joan/Judith pairing. I am completely for the JoanxAdam pairing :D


	14. The Ripples

_Author's Note: If this chapter seems rushed, well it was. I had written it awhile back and because I thought I was going to add a chapter before this, I did not post it. Anyways enjoy._

Chapter: 14: The Ripples.

Over the next couple of weeks Joan's sessions with Dr. Dan were tense. She played it off as the result of the incident with her Parents and his belief that she had been a lesbian. It was during one session she confided in Dr. Dan about her darkest secret.

"I haven't been completely honest." Joan said, squirming on the couch.

"That's alright," Dr. Dan's voice was quiet, full of resentment. "I wouldn't want to force anything out of you, I want you to feel comfortable about this."

"Those people I claimed to see..." Joan paused, "they came to me as God." Ever since that day she regained her memories, she had been struggling with them. When she first came to Gentle Acres she had been convinced that they were mere hallucinations brought on by the Lyme Disease. She hadn't seen them since then, or so she thought. Now that she knew the secret, she saw them everywhere. She feared that she had relapsed somehow.

"God?" Dr. Dan said, whatever was bothering him was gone.

"He, well sometimes he was a she, would come in different guises." Joan said, "sometimes he was a Chess Master, a garbage man, old lady, a goth kid," Joan stopped and sat up. "He would ask me to do things jobs for him. I guess you could call them 'missions.'"

"What made you do these missions?" Dr. Dan asked scribbling fiercely on his legal pad.

"You can't really turn down God, can you?" said Joan thoughtfully. "Well he told me I could. He told me I had Free Will and could back down at any time."  
"Have you ever... not obeyed?" Dr. Dan asked. "Did he threaten you?" Joan thought back and sifted through the memories that had once been so fogged.

"No. He didn't punish me. But if I did what he asked, there were good ripples." Joan suddenly wished she had just kept her secret a secret.

"This is the result of the Lyme Disease, which made you see things that weren't there. This resulted in a break from reality. You then transfered all of your anxiety onto the hallucination and invest in your fractured perception." He explained this all to calmly for Joan's liking. But it made sense. They continued to discuss what her missions from God involved. Each time he would point out that the odds of anything actually bad happening were slim to none. It was true, Desolation had not ended.

That day at Crafts, just like she had been doing since day one, she built another Lamp. She focused all of her confusion into this one. The end result was a Lamp made out of a plastic milk jug wrapped in old shagged carpet. Thin metal rods stuck out of the bottom as if they were insect Legs. After finishing, she found Ascension on the table. It was the only real link between Joan and Adam. They shared letters from time to time, when Joan wasn't sick of talking about herself. But the letters felt impersonal. Joan wanted to be close to him, to feel his warmth wrap around her. The letters didn't do that, but the small statue of Ascension did. She still longed and ached for Adam, but holding the statue in her hands was enough.

"You seem to have fallen in love with that," Mr. Patterson said, startling Joan. She had often wondered how such a large fellow could get around so quietly.

"No with it, but with him," Joan mumbled. It took her a second to realize she had spoken it and blushed.

"You know Adam?" Mr. Patterson asked. He was either oblivious to Joan's emotions, or didn't care.

"He goes to my High School back in Arcadia." Joan said as her finger traced his initials.

"I have kept in contact with Adam over the years," Mr. Patterson said thoughtfully, "he told me had a girlfriend, but her name was Jane." Joan squirmed as she heard her nickname, she hated when other people used it. To her it was a special connection between them and only them.

"When we first met he couldn't exactly remember my name." said Joan remembering how it used to frustrate her, "it became his pet name for me."

"Adam was always an interesting fellow," Mr. Patterson said and laughed. "I am pretty sure he thought this was some sort of Art Camp when he was here. I heard when he was in sessions that he would only talk about his art." It may have puzzled Mr. Patterson, but it made perfect sense to Joan. Adam expressed his feelings through his work. He was hard pressed to articulate what he meant verbally or even written. But give him what you may think is Junk and he will be able to express all his feelings flawlessly. They exchanged a few stories about Adam, mostly Joan shared. She loved being able to talk to someone who actually knew Adam.

That night, when she thought Judith and Darlene had gone to sleep, she allowed her sorrow to engulf her. She was sobbing loudly, and she was scared they would hear her. But it was to late, she had opened the floodgates. The top bunk shook, startling Joan. She tried to dry her cheeks and attempted to stop her uncontrollable sobbing. She failed.

"JoJo?" Judith said sleepily.

"yeah?" Joan said trying to sound in control, happy. Anything then sad. Judith slowly climbed out of bed. As she stood over Joan, she could see that something was causing her real pain.

"You weren't..." Judith began remembering the first few nights. Joan shook her head and Judith sighed in relief.

"Well whats wrong." Judith gently nudged Joan over. She slowly climbed into bed with her.

"I don't know whats real anymore." Joan confided. She wondered if she should tell her about God. She shook her head. No, then who would be her friend here? Darlene?

"How do we know any of this is real?" Judith asked philosophically. "Perhaps this is a nightmare of some creature." Joan couldn't help but laugh.

"Well then how do I know if what's part of this creatures nightmare and what shouldn't be." Joan prompted. Judith laid there in silence, mulling over the question.

"Do you believe in god?" Judith asked. Joan froze, what kind of question was that? She let out a bewildered laugh. "For along time I didn't believe in God. Not a God that cared about me at least. When I was... well you know. It only proved it. But I wonder. Maybe God had sent you to talk me out of it?" Judith turned on her side, and in the dark their eyes met. "How else could you explain how you found me?" Joan thought back and she couldn't find a plausible reason. A few days after the Thunderstorm Joan looked for the place on an old map. The creek had been over four miles away. More importantly, it wasn't just directly south of Gentle Acres. It was more to the southwest. Other then dumb luck, there was no way she could have found Judith.

"What does God have to do with me not knowing whats real." said Joan, wishing she could break the eye contact.

"Do you think what you see is real?" Judith asked, "or do you think its just hallucinations?"

"I have this feeling that it's real... but" Joan started crying again. Judith wrapped her arms around Joan. They laid there through out the night.

This happened several times throughout the rest of her stay at Gentle Acres. Joan struggled with her feelings on whether or not God was real. At times she accepted that God was real and other times she believed Dr. Dan's belief that she was suffering from impaired perception. The Lamps she had been created had taken on a symbolic meaning towards Joan. It was her attempt at trying to find the Light, to reveal the truth.

The days dwindled by and soon the inevitable came. Joanith stood at the parking lot. Parents were arriving to take back their unruly or mentally unstable children. Joan's parents arrived first. Joan tried to persuade her parents to wait until Judith's arrived. Judith simply explained that they were busy psychiatrists and stuff and insisted that she would be fine. They gave each other one last heartfelt hug, and much to Joan's displeasure she could hear her mother aww. They exchanged email addresses and phone numbers and promised that they would keep in touch. They both shared a quick glance, and they knew that somehow their connection would bring them back together. What they shared was one of God's most beautiful gifts at work.

She was sitting in the Park. School would be starting soon, and her mind wandered over what to expect for the year to come. She was wearing a white dress with faded flower design. She had only worn it once. It had been a gift from her father, someone who rarely understood fashion. But for some reason, she was wearing it.

She felt something was wrong within her, something had broke. Perhaps it had been the break from Judith? But as she looked around the park she knew what it was. Each person she saw, a part of her wondered if he or she were God. Another part scolded her for this. God didn't exist, another part of her would whisper. She was at war with herself. Her spirit vs the mind. Each time she saw a new person, her gut would sink and fear would rise. She wanted to cry out, but feared she might only further the idea that she was 'crazy.'

She then heard a familiar voice. A voice she had longed to hear since she had left for Gentle Acres.

"Jane..."

The End.

_Author's Note2: I can't believe the story is over. I may come back to this chapter and rewrite the ending. Right now the story in my mind is finished. I tried adding another chapter, and I couldn't get into it. I take it as a sign that the story is finished. Now I know I have probably left some loose ends. If you PM me I could explain them. Anyways thanks for reading. Now a little update on my next JoA fanfic. The Mourning Grace. I have been writing it. In fact I maybe up to four chapters. I just need to type it up, right now its in a notebook written in terrible handwriting. I should have the first chapter up on monday sometime. The Mourning Grace is going to be my first in a series of stories taking place after the season finale of JoA. Some of them will deal directly with Ryan Hunter, others are going to be indirectly while others are going to have nothing to do with him. This idea was inspired by CharlesTheBold's own series of stories. And if you haven't read his JoA stories, you should probably do that while I type up The Mourning Grace ;)_


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